Why did my friend get a screw in her pizza?

She is allergic to nuts.

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Screw Jokes More Screw Jokes

How many survivors of nuclear war does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. People that glow in the dark don't need lights.

Why does it take so long for a pro-lifer to screw in a lightbulb?

They love to watch mistakes being made.

Friend Jokes More Friend Jokes

Why don't you people see how racist Pokemon Go is?

All of my friends are now talking about how they have to catch Amal.

What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when he and his friends decided to dress up as famous composers for Halloween?

I'll be Bach

Pizza Jokes More Pizza Jokes

Why doesn't God like pizza?

Because he doesn't exist.

What's the difference between a large pizza and an art student?

A pizza can feed a family.

Nut Jokes More Nut Jokes

What did the pirate say with the steering wheel in his pants?

Arrgh, it's driving me nuts!

What is in a virgin candy bar?

Cherries and nuts