Handyman Jokes

How did the handyman feel after going to the bar?

He was hammered.

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What does the handyman who has no legs wear on his head?

The handycap.

What did the handyman do... when he got his girlfriend in bed with him for the first time?

He screwed, nutted, and bolted.

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Screw Jokes More Screw Jokes

How many Studio Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

We don't know. Light bulbs last longer than studio executives.

How many stoners does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

I don't know, I just set the bulb down somewhere, now I can't find it. Where the hell did the bulb go?

Leg Jokes More Leg Jokes

What do you call a spider with no legs?

A raisin

Why did sumo wrestlers start shaving their legs?

To stop getting confused as feminists

Head Jokes More Head Jokes

Why did the fisherman head out during a storm?

For the halibut

Why don't roosters wear underwear?

Their peckers are on their heads.

Feel Jokes More Feel Jokes

What did the thunder say when it understood the joke?

I feel so enlightninged!

How to blind parachutist know they're close to the ground?

The feel the leash go slack! (heard this one while listening to some Irish tunes)

Nut Jokes More Nut Jokes

What does a mechanic do during a 1 night stand?

He screws, nuts, and bolts

How can you tell that truckers like nuts?

They always have pecans! (Read aloud)

Time Jokes More Time Jokes

Whats the difference between a White lie and a Black lie?

Half to none of the time.

When is the only time you're not American?

When European.

Bar Jokes More Bar Jokes

Why did all the prisoners at the AT&T jail escape?

Because they had no bars on their cells!

Why the long face?

A horse walks into a bar. Bartender: why the long face? Horse: because I'm a raging alcoholic.

Wear Jokes More Wear Jokes

What kind of make up was the girl wearing on Halloween?

Mash-scara!

What kind of jeans does Mario wear?

Denim denim denim