Handyman Jokes

How did the handyman feel after going to the bar?

He was hammered.

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What does the handyman who has no legs wear on his head?

The handycap.

What did the handyman do... when he got his girlfriend in bed with him for the first time?

He screwed, nutted, and bolted.

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What's the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?

My girlfriend knows about my wife.

How did the phone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.

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Why did the Ewok ESL student do so well with conjunctions?

He felt at home with And/Or.

What happens to a black mans hair when it feels nauseous?

It fro's up.

Bed Jokes More Bed Jokes

When does a bed grow longer?

At night, because two feet are added to it.

How'd you sleep?

Him: *texts* Horrible...I was tossing and turn- Me: *crawls out from under his bed* I KNOW, YOU POOR THING.

Bar Jokes More Bar Jokes

What do narcoleptic people drink in bars?

BoozZzZzZzZzZzZ

What the hell is a mango doing in a bar?

But chessy but gets a good giggle

Head Jokes More Head Jokes

What's the difference between a newspaper and a cocaine addict?

One has headlines, and the other gives head for lines.

Why do successful lettuce farmers always get women?

Because everyone knows they give good *head*.

Leg Jokes More Leg Jokes

What's got six legs and can fly long distances?

Three swallows!

What's the difference between a duck?

One leg is both the same.

Bolt Jokes More Bolt Jokes

What does a robot do after a one night stand?

He nuts and bolts

What do you call a one night stand with a robot?

Nut and bolt

Hammer Jokes More Hammer Jokes

Why doesn't Thor of the insect world use a hammer?

He's already got a Thor Axe.

What happens when a carpenter drinks with his wife?

He gets hammered and she gets nailed.