Handyman Jokes

How did the handyman feel after going to the bar?

He was hammered.

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What does the handyman who has no legs wear on his head?

The handycap.

What did the handyman do... when he got his girlfriend in bed with him for the first time?

He screwed, nutted, and bolted.

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Hammer Jokes More Hammer Jokes

How did the blind carpenter regain his eyesight?

He picked up his hammer and saw.

Why did Jesus take 3 days to resurrect?

He got hammered with his buddies.

Bar Jokes More Bar Jokes

What do you call an attractive bee who goes to bars?

A bar-bee!

What did Larry McMurtry say when his neighbor asked to borrow a bar of soap?

He said "Sure! I could loan some Dove".

Leg Jokes More Leg Jokes

How many thingamabobs does Ariel have?

20 "Twenty-*one*. She got the last one when she wished for legs."

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs inside a volcano?

Anakin Skywalker. (Happy Geek Pride Day!)

Feel Jokes More Feel Jokes

Why did the paedophilic bestialist not answer his name?

Because he was feeling a little horse.

How do you feel now?

Me: With my elbows

Bed Jokes More Bed Jokes

What did grandma say to grandpa while in bed?

Keep it up!

What kind of fish would you want to go to bed with?

A cuddlefish! (corny I know)

Time Jokes More Time Jokes

Why do you think I spend too much time at my computer?

Well dear... Every time I ask you to close the windows you answer with "Please wait while your computer shuts down"...

How does a tornado tell the time?

It checks the tornado watch.

Bolt Jokes More Bolt Jokes

What does a mechanic do for a one night stand?

He nuts and bolts.

How does Frankenstein sit in his chair?

Bolt upright.

Wear Jokes More Wear Jokes

Why did the golfer wear a extra pair of pants?

In case he got a hole in one

Why don't Dunkin' Donuts employees wear name tags?

It wouldn't fit on their shirt.