Hammer Jokes

What did the tool box say to the hammer?

Toolsie!

Everyday Deserves a Joke

$19.99

How did the handyman feel after going to the bar?

He was hammered.

What's grey and bad for your teeth?

A hammer.

What do nails like to do on the weekend?

Get hammered.

What did the fireman say when he noticed his hammer was on fire?

This is not a drill.

Why did Jesus take 3 days to resurrect?

He got hammered with his buddies.

How do you install "blackout curtains"?

They just get hammered.

Why did the T-Rex get hammered at noon?

Because he's a Wino-saur!

Why doesn't Thor of the insect world use a hammer?

He's already got a Thor Axe.

How did the blind carpenter regain his eyesight?

He picked up his hammer and saw.

Why did the blonde put her finger over the nail when she was hammering?

The noise gave her a headache.

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

$19.99

Why wouldn't the frog lend his hammer to the mushroom?

Because it's a toad's tool.

Why did you hit your birthday cake with a hammer?

Because you said it was pound cake!

Why would you take a hammer to bed?

So you could hit the sack.

How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it one to hammer it in.

What's the difference between your finger and a hammer?

I don't know! Well you're not using my computer keyboard then!

What do you call a communist hip-hop musician?

MC Hammer and Sickle.

You might also enjoy:

Shut Jokes More Shut Jokes

What do we call that one small worm that won't shut up?

A chatterpillar

Why are pigs such early risers?

Did you ever try to shut off a rooster

Buddy Jokes More Buddy Jokes

What the the electrician say to his buddy?

Watts up!

What is the Greek Army's motto?

Never leave your buddy's behind.

Fun Jokes More Fun Jokes

Where do crows go to have fun?

A crowbar!

What kind of fun do priests have?

Nun

Liquor Store Jokes More Liquor Store Jokes

What's the difference between a Baptist and a Methodist?

A Methodist will say hi when he sees you at the liquor store.

What's the difference between Baptists and Methodists?

Methodists will make eye contact at the liquor store.

Stumble Jokes More Stumble Jokes

Why did the horse stumble?

He was de-stable-ized.

Why did Mr. T reject Socialism?

Because he stumbled across a quote by Karl Marx which said: "All you have to lose is your chains."

Hit Jokes More Hit Jokes

What's the difference between U-Haul and Youtube?

People are'nt happy for you when you get loads of hits on your U-Haul.

Why couldn't the chicken cross the road?

Because he got hit by a car.

Jesus Jokes More Jesus Jokes

Why didn't Jesus like to play hockey?

He didn't like getting nailed to the boards.

What type of Martial Arts does Jesus know?

Jiu Jitsu.

Notice Jokes More Notice Jokes

What did Sean Connery say when he noticed that there wasn't any electricity in the Pennsylvania countryside?

Shomething'sh Amish...

What do you call a swashbuckler when he noticed you?

A senpairate.