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Hammer Jokes

What did the tool box say to the hammer?

Toolsie!

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How did the handyman feel after going to the bar?

He was hammered.

What's grey and bad for your teeth?

A hammer.

What do nails like to do on the weekend?

Get hammered.

What did the fireman say when he noticed his hammer was on fire?

This is not a drill.

Why did Jesus take 3 days to resurrect?

He got hammered with his buddies.

How do you install "blackout curtains"?

They just get hammered.

Why did the T-Rex get hammered at noon?

Because he's a Wino-saur!

Why doesn't Thor of the insect world use a hammer?

He's already got a Thor Axe.

What happens when a carpenter drinks with his wife?

He gets hammered and she gets nailed.

How did the blind carpenter regain his eyesight?

He picked up his hammer and saw.

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Why did the blonde put her finger over the nail when she was hammering?

The noise gave her a headache.

Why wouldn't the frog lend his hammer to the mushroom?

Because it's a toad's tool.

Why did you hit your birthday cake with a hammer?

Because you said it was pound cake!

Why would you take a hammer to bed?

So you could hit the sack.

How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it one to hammer it in.

What's the difference between your finger and a hammer?

I don't know! Well you're not using my computer keyboard then!

What do you call a communist hip-hop musician?

MC Hammer and Sickle.

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Way Jokes More Way Jokes

What do you tell a cow that's in the way?

Mooooooooooooove.

How do you spell 'way' with an 'f'?

There's no 'f' in way

Baptist Jokes More Baptist Jokes

Why should you always take at least two Baptists with you when you go fishing?

Because if you take only one he will drink all your beer.

What 2 things do Winnie the Pooh and John the Baptist have in common?

They both ate honey and they both have the same middle name.

Scream Jokes More Scream Jokes

What's the difference between sandpaper and a baby?

The sandpaper doesn't scream when I rub it's face on wood.

Why can't Ewoks yell and scream in the house?

They have to use their Endor voices.

Fire Jokes More Fire Jokes

When did Pinocchio learn he was made of wood?

When his hand caught fire!!

What do potheads do when they see a fire?

Stop, drop, and roll

Methodist Jokes More Methodist Jokes

What's the difference between a Baptist and a Methodist?

A Methodist will say hi when he sees you at the liquor store.

What's the difference between Baptists and Methodists?

Methodists will make eye contact at the liquor store.

Fun Jokes More Fun Jokes

What did the boy say after the tailor made fun of him for not wearing pants?

Hey, why don't you cut me some slacks?

Where do Robots go for fun?

The Circuits! (this is a joke i made up when i was like 10, i don't think it ever caught on)

Bar Jokes More Bar Jokes

What did the scientist say at the bar?

I'd like some H20 please.

What is the most offensive joke you know?

I'm bored tonight and I have a no holds barred sense of humour. What are some of your worst

Buddy Jokes More Buddy Jokes

What are you looking for buddy?

Normal day at the office, when one guy notices his coworker distraught. He goes over to his cubicle and sees him looking for something on the floor. They spend half an hour looking for it, when the guy starts picking his nose:

What did the golfer say to his buddy when he hit a bogey?

I guess you aren't up to par