Shut Jokes

Why are there no nightclubs on Venus?

They shut down because they had a toxic atmosphere

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

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How do you get a guitar player to shut up?

Put sheet music in front of him

Why can't you talk to spiders who get shut in pianos?

They'll B flat

What does the mayonnaise say to the refrigerator?

Shut the door im dressing

What does it mean when a lion roars?

Shut up. The movie is about to start.

What did the cat say when I shut him in the refridgerator?

I don't know, I couldn't hear him through the door.

What fried food will shut your neighbor's dogs up?

Hushpuppies.

Why could the crab not find a pair of shoes in his size?

Child labor laws forced all the shoe factories to shut down.

What did one fish say to the other?

Keep your mouth shut and you'll never get caught.

Why are pigs such early risers?

Did you ever try to shut off a rooster

What's the Difference between a Wife and an Attic Door?

An attic door can shut up. im going to hell

Couple's Daily Question Mug

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What do we call that one small worm that won't shut up?

A chatterpillar

When do you know a lawyer is telling the truth?

When his lips are shut.

What is the difference between a barking dog and an umbrella?

The umbrella can be shut up.

What do you call a conservative toothbrush that won't shut up?

Brush Limbaugh

How did Columbus's men sleep on their ships?

With their eyes shut!

What does an envelope say when you lick it?

Nothing. It just shuts up.

Why did the dry cleaners get shut down?

The owner was arrested for money laundry-ing

What do you call a seagull that lives by the Bay?

I don't know, but it won't shut up about the app it's developing.

Why did the man shut his donut shop?

Because he was fed up with the hole business!

Why do you think I spend too much time at my computer?

Well dear... Every time I ask you to close the windows you answer with "Please wait while your computer shuts down"...

Everyday Deserves a Joke

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What did GabeN tell his wife when she shouted "shut your hole" at him?

Babe, it's a valve!

Whenever I shut down my computer, it asks, "Are you sure you want to shut down your computer?

Then I wonder if it knows something I don't.

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Wonder Jokes More Wonder Jokes

What does it mean to be an Agnostic with insomnia and dyslexia?

You stay up all night wondering if there is a dog.

What do you get if you cross an agnostic, a dyslexic and an insomniac?

Someone who lays awake at night, wondering if there is a dog.

Baby Jokes More Baby Jokes

What did the baby dolphin do when he didn't get his way?

He whale-d

What word starts with M and ends in arraige and is a man's favourite thing?

Miscarriage. This joke never gets old, just like the baby.

Akbar Jokes More Akbar Jokes

What's the name of the Iraqi basketball team?

Alley-oop Akbar

What did the Jihadist say when he had explosive Diarrhea?

ALLAHPOO AKBAR!

Roar Jokes More Roar Jokes

What makes the ocean roar?

You'd roar too if you had crabs on your bottom

What's a lannister's favorite pop star?

Katy Perry, because you're going hear her roar

Want Jokes More Want Jokes

Why did the parrot wear a raincoat?

Because she wanted to be a Polly unsaturated!

Why did the boy throw his clock out the window?

He wanted to see time fly.

Oppress Jokes More Oppress Jokes

What did the bread do after it had been oppressed for many years?

Rye-ot

Computer Jokes More Computer Jokes

What am I supposed to do with this computer now?

IT: Work M: Who hurt you

What do you call a computer that farts?

A compooter. 8D

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between a degree in Theoretical Physics and a theoretical degree in Physics?

One is relevant and can get you a job. The other you went to university for.

What's the difference between "Fake News" and CNN?

I don't know Reddit, that's why I'm asking you