Shut Jokes

Why are there no nightclubs on Venus?

They shut down because they had a toxic atmosphere

Everyday Deserves a Joke

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How do you get a guitar player to shut up?

Put sheet music in front of him

Why can't you talk to spiders who get shut in pianos?

They'll B flat

What does the mayonnaise say to the refrigerator?

Shut the door im dressing

What does it mean when a lion roars?

Shut up. The movie is about to start.

What did the cat say when I shut him in the refridgerator?

I don't know, I couldn't hear him through the door.

What fried food will shut your neighbor's dogs up?

Hushpuppies.

Why could the crab not find a pair of shoes in his size?

Child labor laws forced all the shoe factories to shut down.

What did one fish say to the other?

Keep your mouth shut and you'll never get caught.

Why are pigs such early risers?

Did you ever try to shut off a rooster

What's the Difference between a Wife and an Attic Door?

An attic door can shut up. im going to hell

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

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What do we call that one small worm that won't shut up?

A chatterpillar

When do you know a lawyer is telling the truth?

When his lips are shut.

What is the difference between a barking dog and an umbrella?

The umbrella can be shut up.

What do you call a conservative toothbrush that won't shut up?

Brush Limbaugh

How did Columbus's men sleep on their ships?

With their eyes shut!

What does an envelope say when you lick it?

Nothing. It just shuts up.

Why did the dry cleaners get shut down?

The owner was arrested for money laundry-ing

What do you call a seagull that lives by the Bay?

I don't know, but it won't shut up about the app it's developing.

Why did the man shut his donut shop?

Because he was fed up with the hole business!

Why do you think I spend too much time at my computer?

Well dear... Every time I ask you to close the windows you answer with "Please wait while your computer shuts down"...

Couple's Daily Question Mug

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What did GabeN tell his wife when she shouted "shut your hole" at him?

Babe, it's a valve!

Whenever I shut down my computer, it asks, "Are you sure you want to shut down your computer?

Then I wonder if it knows something I don't.

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Lion Jokes More Lion Jokes

Why did the lion spit out the clown?

Because he tasted funny.

What are the 2 reasons the girl broke up with her boyfriend?

Because he was a cheetah and because he was lion too much to her.

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

How do you make a blonde laugh on a Wednesday?

Tell her a joke on a Monday!

How can you tell if someone is an entrepreneur?

Don't worry, they'll tell you

Know Jokes More Know Jokes

How do you know Jesus loves Japanese food?

Because he said he loves miso.

How do you know that there's a monster in your bath?

You can't get the shower curtain closed.

Gandalf Jokes More Gandalf Jokes

Why is Gandalf so good in bed?

Because a wizard is never late, nor is he early, he arrives precisely when he means to.

Why did Gandalf never listen to the song "Dream Police"?

Because he was no conjurer of Cheap Trick

Di Jokes More Di Jokes

What did Dodi Fayed say to his driver?

Want to go out with me and Di tonight?

Which part of your body shuts down last when you die?

The eyes, cause they di-late.

Hammer Jokes More Hammer Jokes

What's the difference between your finger and a hammer?

I don't know! Well you're not using my computer keyboard then!

Why wouldn't the frog lend his hammer to the mushroom?

Because it's a toad's tool.

Auschwitz Jokes More Auschwitz Jokes

Good Dj Jokes More Good Dj Jokes

Why was the clumsy vegetable farmer a good dj?

Because he dropped the beet.

Why do bad farmers make good DJs?

Because they've got sick beets!