Scream Jokes

How many r/jokes redditors does it take to change a lightbulb?

Answer is 2. One to change the lightbulb while the other screams "REPOST"

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What's black?

Whats black and screams? Stevie Wonder answering the iron.

Why do most blind folks not skydive?

The sound of the dog screaming at 8000 feet gets to you after a while.

What did the hammer announce over the intercom to the evacuating screws screaming for help?

This is not a drill!

What's the difference between friends and potatoes?

Potatoes don't scream when you peel their skin and toss them in boiling water.

What's black and screams?

Stevie Wonder answering the iron.

What's annoying about going 90 in a school zone?

The screaming speed bumps

What's brown and screams?

Stevie Wonder answering the iron

What was Hamlet screaming when running around a circle?

2(pi)r or not 2(pi)r....(snicker)

What do white guys do that lasts hours and makes white women scream?

NASCAR

What's the difference between a cigarette and my exwife?

Cigarettes don't scream when they're burning.

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What would George Washington do if he were alive today?

Scream and scratch at the top of his coffin.

What is 20 inches long and makes women scream at night?

A stillborn

Why did the sand scream?

Because the sea weed. ha.

What's the difference between a moan and a scream?

About 3 inches

How many American golf fans does it take to change a lightbulb?

1001 1 to offer up the bulb and 1000 to scream 'Get in the hole'

What is loud and sounds like "apple"?

(Scream) APPLE!!!

Why did Helen Keller scream?

Her parents left the plunger in the toilet.

What's red and black and screaming all over?

Stevie Wonder when he answers the iron.

What is brown and screams?

Stevie Wonder when he answers the iron.

What do you call a guy who screams, "I love you, mom!" every time he climaxes?

Me.

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What rings twice and screams once?

Ray Charles answering the iron

What's stronger, fifty watts of sound or fifty watts of light?

I don't care but would you please stop screaming, turning the lights on and off.

What is a vampire's favourite soup?

Scream of mushroom!

What's 12 inches long, stiff, full of sperm and can make a girl scream?

The sock under my bed. (I don't remember where I heard it. Can't claim ownership.)

Who wants to go out to dinner and scream and cry and make daddy wish he wore more condoms?

Kids: WE DO! YAY!

What is Dracula's favorite pudding?

Leeches and scream.

Whenever I'm bored I stop a stranger and ask "where am I?

And whatever they say I runaway screaming "Hahaha I'm a genius! I can teleport!"

Why was the pregnant woman screaming "wouldn't, shouldn't, couldn't!"?

She was having contractions.

Why was the Doctor screaming angrily at his secretary?

He ran out of patients.

What's a monsters favorite desert?

I-Scream!

What do you call a screaming timepiece?

An alarmed clock.

What's the difference between sandpaper and a baby?

The sandpaper doesn't scream when I rub it's face on wood.

What is black and white and screams?

A. A nun falling down a flight of stairs.

How do people know spiders are more afraid of me than I am of them?

Like, did you ask him Because only one of us is screaming right now.

Why is some guy out there screaming insults at all the vehicles?

Sees sign PRE-OWNED CARS* "Oh."

What would George Washington do if he were alive right now?

Scream and scratch at the top of his coffin.

What do ghosts serve for dessert?

I Scream.

Why are haunted houses so noisy in April?

That's when the ghosts do their spring screaming!

Why did the chicken run around screaming?

Because he had to use the bathroom.

What do you call an alpacca that screams when it sees fire?

A smoke aLaama.

What's white and red, 3 inches long, and makes dudes scream and run away when you show it to them?

A positive pregnancy test.

When do ghosts usually appear?

Just before someone screams.

Why can't Ewoks yell and scream in the house?

They have to use their Endor voices.

What do a hurricane and a divorce in Virginia have in common?

Screaming, crying, and somebody loses a trailer!

How many American golf fans does it take to change a lightbulb?

1001 1 to offer up the bulb and 1000 to scream 'Get in the hole'

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How many LA cops does it take to change light bulb?

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When faced with a challenging situation I calmly ask myself "what would The Hulk do?"

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Twist

Why were the ants dancing on top of the jar of jam?

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What has 90 balls and screws old women?

Bingo!

What do 90's boy bands and blue spruce trees have in common?

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What did the hammer announce over the intercom to the evacuating screws screaming for help?

This is not a drill!

Why are women and children evacuated first in a disaster?

So we can think about a solution in silence

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What will Ryan Lochte say if he looses "Dancing With the Stars"?

I was robbed" Sorry, that just came to me like a stroke of idiotic genius and I couldn't help myself.

Why didn't the Duke of Windsor let his French servant help him tie his tie?

He never does it with a four-in (foreign)-hand.