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What would George Washington do if he were alive today?

Scream and scratch at the top of his coffin.

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Scratch Jokes More Scratch Jokes

Why does homemade bread not make your throat itch?

It's made from scratch

Why did the man call his horse Fleabag?

Because he was often scratched!

Scream Jokes More Scream Jokes

Why was the pregnant woman screaming "wouldn't, shouldn't, couldn't!"?

She was having contractions.

Why was the Doctor screaming angrily at his secretary?

He ran out of patients.

Today Jokes More Today Jokes

What are you gonna do today?

Me: Shower. W: ...what else M: Make a new iTunes playlist. W: Wow. M: Might not have time for a shower.

How bad is the economy?

Twenty years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Today we have no cash, no hope and no jobs.

Coffin Jokes More Coffin Jokes

What would they put on his coffin?

A lid!

What did one casket say to the other casket?

Hey, is that you coffin? Ba-dum-tsk...

George Washington Jokes More George Washington Jokes

How did you do in your tests?

I did what George Washington did! What was that Went down in history!

Where does George Washington keep his armies?

In his sleavies!