What would George Washington do if he were alive today?

Scream and scratch at the top of his coffin.

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Scratch Jokes More Scratch Jokes

Why is Vanilla Ice scratching his head?

Lice. Lice, maybe.

How'd you get the scratches?

Flash back to me bathing my cat* -Uh, this chick bro. Yeah.

Scream Jokes More Scream Jokes

What's the difference between sandpaper and a baby?

The sandpaper doesn't scream when I rub it's face on wood.

What's the difference between a cigarette and my exwife?

Cigarettes don't scream when they're burning.

Today Jokes More Today Jokes

Why did the giraffe cross the highway?

Because he bumped his head on the low-way! I guess we're doing 4 year old's jokes today

Where'd ya get it?

The parrot says, "Africa." (I don't know if you know this one, but I just heard it today)

Coffin Jokes More Coffin Jokes

What is that thing, which the maker cannot use, and the user cannot see?

Coffin

Why did the man with bronchitis get cremated..?

He was tired of coffin.

George Washington Jokes More George Washington Jokes

What did George Washington say to his men just before they got in the boat?

Men, get in the boat!

Where did George Washington keep his armies?

In his sleevies.