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What would George Washington do if he were alive today?

Scream and scratch at the top of his coffin.

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Scratch Jokes More Scratch Jokes

What would Kim Jong-Il be doing if he was still alive today?

Scratching at the lid of his coffin.

What would Elvis Presley be doing if he were alive today?

Scratching at the inside of his coffin.

Scream Jokes More Scream Jokes

Whenever I'm bored I stop a stranger and ask "where am I?

And whatever they say I runaway screaming "Hahaha I'm a genius! I can teleport!"

What do you call an alpacca that screams when it sees fire?

A smoke aLaama.

Today Jokes More Today Jokes

How does the balance sheet of a bank look like as of today?

On the left side there's nothing right and on the right side there's nothing left...

What did God say to the alcoholic spelling bee judge?

Define intervention." Came up with this today at work.

Coffin Jokes More Coffin Jokes

How can you tell vampirism is a disease?

On account of the coffin.

What's the difference between a condom and a coffin?

Well, both carry stiffs, but one's for coming and the other's for going.

George Washington Jokes More George Washington Jokes

Where does George Washington keep his armies?

In his sleavies!

What would George Washington be doing if he were alive right now?

Scratchin' the inside of his coffin.