Scratch Jokes

What do you say to Harry Potter when he has a mosquito bite he can't stop scratching?

Quidditching

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Why did the dog scratch itself against the tree?

Ruff Bark

What do you give a Greek man with a scratchcard?

A coin to scratch it with.

What would George Washington do if he were alive today?

Scream and scratch at the top of his coffin.

How do you build a flea circus?

You have to start from scratch.

Why does homemade bread not make your throat itch?

It's made from scratch

How do you get rid of an itch?

Start from scratch.

How do you make a flea circus?

From scratch.

What would Kim Jong-Il be doing if he was still alive today?

Scratching at the lid of his coffin.

What's the most useful material?

Scratch. You can make anything from scratch.

How'd you get the scratches?

Flash back to me bathing my cat* -Uh, this chick bro. Yeah.

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What did one chicken say to the other after they walked through poison ivy?

You scratch my beak and I'll scratch yours!

Why can't DJs play pool?

They always scratch.

What is the difference between a dog and a viola?

The dog knows when to stop scratching.

What would George Washington do if he were alive right now?

Scream and scratch at the top of his coffin.

How did the flea learn to use the internet?

He had to start from scratch.

How do you find where a flea has bitten you?

Start from scratch!

What would Elvis Presley be doing if he were alive today?

Scratching at the inside of his coffin.

Why did the man call his horse Fleabag?

Because he was often scratched!

Why are there scratches all over your face?

Jujitsu training" You can scratch in jujitsu "It's my cat's best move"

Why is Vanilla Ice scratching his head?

Lice. Lice, maybe.

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What do you call the loser in a hissing scratching cat fight?

Claude

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Stop Jokes More Stop Jokes

How are babies different from feminists?

Babies grow up and stop crying

Why did the bodybuilder stop in the middle of the road?

They ran out of juice!

Glue Jokes More Glue Jokes

What's the difference between a piano, a tuna, and a pot of glue?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna!

What's the difference between between a piano, tuna, and glue?

You can tuna piano, but you cant piano tuna!

Build Jokes More Build Jokes

Why did it take so long to find the bodies of the black firefighters after the building they were in caught fire and collapsed?

Cause the building collapsed, duh.

Why did the Egyptians build the pyramids?

To get to the other side.

Greek Jokes More Greek Jokes

How do the Greek separate the men from the boys?

With a crow bar.

What do you call a stabilizing Greek?

A.... GYROScope

Coin Jokes More Coin Jokes

What denomination are the coins in Super Mario Bros?

They're dollar coins, because a quarter is two bits, which means a dollar is 8 bits.

How mani Iowa citizens does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

4 no 5 no 6 no its really 4 - not sure, better flip a coin to get the right number

Walk Jokes More Walk Jokes

What is the similarity between tight rope walking and an old lady giving you head?

You don't want to look down.

Why can't anxious people walk on tight ropes?

Because they're too high-strung. Corny I know, but I wrote it myself and had to put it out there.

Beak Jokes More Beak Jokes

When dad Waits to see you on thanks giving Son:We just Ate Dad:OK so you can be here at 5?

Son:We'll see Son:how does the turkey smell Dad: I guess through its Beak

What did one chicken say to the other after they walked through poison ivy?

You scratch my beak and I'll scratch yours!

Drown Jokes More Drown Jokes

Why can't the Philippines field an ice hockey team?

The players all drowned in spring training.

Why couldn't the hippie be saved from drowning?

He was too far out man.