Scratch Jokes

What do you say to Harry Potter when he has a mosquito bite he can't stop scratching?

Quidditching

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What would Ronald Reagan be doing if he were alive today?

He'd be scratching at the lid of his coffin yelling, "Let me out! I'm alive! Let me out!!"

Why did the dog scratch itself against the tree?

Ruff Bark

What do you give a Greek man with a scratchcard?

A coin to scratch it with.

What would George Washington do if he were alive today?

Scream and scratch at the top of his coffin.

How do you build a flea circus?

You have to start from scratch.

Why does homemade bread not make your throat itch?

It's made from scratch

How do you get rid of an itch?

Start from scratch.

How do you make a flea circus?

From scratch.

What would Kim Jong-Il be doing if he was still alive today?

Scratching at the lid of his coffin.

What's the most useful material?

Scratch. You can make anything from scratch.

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What does a child with stickers have in common with a cocaine addicted DJ?

They both love to scratch and sniff. (sorry if it's a repost I'm not here often)

How'd you get the scratches?

Flash back to me bathing my cat* -Uh, this chick bro. Yeah.

Where have you been?

He asked. "To my mother-in-law's burial." "Then why the scratches on your face " "She kept resisting, that old fart."

What did one chicken say to the other after they walked through poison ivy?

You scratch my beak and I'll scratch yours!

Why can't DJs play pool?

They always scratch.

What is the difference between a dog and a viola?

The dog knows when to stop scratching.

What would George Washington do if he were alive right now?

Scream and scratch at the top of his coffin.

What would Joan Rivers be doing if she was alive right now?

Scratching at the inside of her coffin. Courtesy of my dad.

How did the flea learn to use the internet?

He had to start from scratch.

How do you find where a flea has bitten you?

Start from scratch!

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What would Elvis Presley be doing if he were alive today?

Scratching at the inside of his coffin.

Why did the man call his horse Fleabag?

Because he was often scratched!

Why are there scratches all over your face?

Jujitsu training" You can scratch in jujitsu "It's my cat's best move"

Why is Vanilla Ice scratching his head?

Lice. Lice, maybe.

What do you call the loser in a hissing scratching cat fight?

Claude

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Coffin Jokes More Coffin Jokes

What does a condom have in common with a coffin?

Ones for coming and ones for going.

Why does Dracula always travel with his coffin?

Because his life is at stake.

Greek Jokes More Greek Jokes

What did the ancient Greek mother say when her sons toga got torn?

Euripides, Eumenides

What did the Catholic Mexican say to greet the Greek God of Thunder?

Hey zeus!

Scream Jokes More Scream Jokes

What's the difference between a paddling pool and a toddler?

The pool doesn't scream when you go in dry.

What's black and screams?

Stevie Wonder answering the iron.

Yell Jokes More Yell Jokes

What do wolves say when you yell barba streisand in the forest?

UuuuuUuuuUUUUuuuuuuuUuUUUuuuuuuuuuU

Why did you stop your car get out and yell "coward" at the traffic signal?

Motorist: The light just turned yellow.

Penny Jokes More Penny Jokes

What type of pasta is no longer used in Canada?

Penny...

Why is a pig in a water trough like a penny?

Because its head is on one side and its tail is on the other.

Flea Circus Jokes More Flea Circus Jokes

How do you make a flea circus?

From scratch.

How do you build a flea circus?

You have to start from scratch.

End Jokes More End Jokes

What does a robot do at the end of one night stand?

He falls off

How do you end a relationship fight?

You break it up.

Itch Jokes More Itch Jokes

What do you call an someone who's an itch that begins with a B?

Brash.

Why does homemade bread not make your throat itch?

It's made from scratch