What would George Washington do if he were alive today?

Scream and scratch at the top of his coffin.

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Scratch Jokes More Scratch Jokes

What's the most useful material?

Scratch. You can make anything from scratch.

How do you get rid of an itch?

Start from scratch.

Scream Jokes More Scream Jokes

How many American golf fans does it take to change a lightbulb?

1001 1 to offer up the bulb and 1000 to scream 'Get in the hole'

What is loud and sounds like "apple"?

(Scream) APPLE!!!

Today Jokes More Today Jokes

What's the difference between organized crime and the government?

Only one of them is organized. Couldn't help but post this. Went to see a former mafia boss today, and that joke was told leading up to him speaking.

Knock knock. Who's there? Bean. Bean who?

Bean working very hard today!

Coffin Jokes More Coffin Jokes

What is that thing, which the maker cannot use, and the user cannot see?

Coffin

How can you tell vampirism is a disease?

On account of the coffin.

George Washington Jokes More George Washington Jokes

How did you do in your tests?

I did what George Washington did! What was that Went down in history!

What did George Washington Abraham Lincoln and Christopher Columbus all have in common?

They were all born on holidays.