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What would George Washington do if he were alive today?

Scream and scratch at the top of his coffin.

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Scratch Jokes More Scratch Jokes

Why does homemade bread not make your throat itch?

It's made from scratch

Why did the dog scratch itself against the tree?

Ruff Bark

Scream Jokes More Scream Jokes

How many American golf fans does it take to change a lightbulb?

1001 1 to offer up the bulb and 1000 to scream 'Get in the hole'

Why can't Ewoks yell and scream in the house?

They have to use their Endor voices.

Today Jokes More Today Jokes

Where are you and Mom going tonight?

Me: To meet with your teacher. 7: Oh, you don't need to. I already saw her today.

What should I tell him?

Doc says, "Tell him I can't see him today."

Coffin Jokes More Coffin Jokes

What do you called a prince-sized bed?

A coffin.

What did the undertaker say as the coffin fell out of the car?

We'll have to rehearse that.

George Washington Jokes More George Washington Jokes

What's George Washington's least favorite flower?

Lie-lacs!

What's George Washington's favorite element?

Americium-1776