Coffin Jokes

What happened at the funeral of the man who invented the USB?

They lowered his coffin, took it out, flipped it the other way round, then lowered it again.

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What did one casket say to the other?

Is that you coffin?

What do you called a prince-sized bed?

A coffin.

How can you tell when a vampire is sick?

By his coffin!

How do you know when a vampire is sick?

He starts coffin...

What is that thing, which the maker cannot use, and the user cannot see?

Coffin

What did one casket say to the other casket?

Hey, is that you coffin? Ba-dum-tsk...

Why did the man with bronchitis get cremated..?

He was tired of coffin.

Why are graveyards so noisy?

Because of all of the coffin.

What would Marilyn Monroe be doing if she were alive today?

Clawing at the inside of her coffin.

What would George Washington do if he were alive today?

Scream and scratch at the top of his coffin.

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What's the difference between a condom and a coffin?

Well, both carry stiffs, but one's for coming and the other's for going.

What did one sick casket say to the other sick casket?

Is that you, coffin?

How can you tell vampirism is a disease?

On account of the coffin.

What would Kim Jong-Il be doing if he was still alive today?

Scratching at the lid of his coffin.

Who's there! Coffin! Coffin who?

Coffin and spluttering!

What would they put on his coffin?

A lid!

What did one vampire say to the other vampire?

Is that you coffin

Why did the funeral director cover his mouth?

He kept coffin

What did the undertaker say as the coffin fell out of the car?

We'll have to rehearse that.

What is the similarity between a cough syrup and an undertaker?

They both take away the coffin.

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What is the difference between a cello and a coffin?

The coffin has the corpse on the inside.

Why did Dracula's mother give him cough syrup?

Because Dracula was coffin. Source: A Laffy Taffy wrapper.

Why did Dracula need medicine?

Because he was coffin.

What would George Washington do if he were alive right now?

Scream and scratch at the top of his coffin.

Why did the vampire go to the doctors?

Because he was coffin...

What do a coffin and a condom have in common?

They're both filled with stiffs one's coming one's going.

What did one coffin say to the other?

Is that you coughin'

What did the casket say to the sick casket?

Are you coffin

How much for the vacation home?

Sir, this is a coffin.

Why does Dracula always travel with his coffin?

Because his life is at stake.

What would Elvis Presley be doing if he were alive today?

Scratching at the inside of his coffin.

What would George Washington be doing if he were alive right now?

Scratchin' the inside of his coffin.

What's the difference between a viola and a coffin?

With a coffin, the dead person is on the inside.

How can you tell a vampire has a cold?

They start coffin.

Why are graveyards so noisy?

Because of all the coffin.

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User Jokes More User Jokes

What is that thing, which the maker cannot use, and the user cannot see?

Coffin

What's something that the inventor doesn't want, the buyer doesn't use, and the user doesn't know about it?

A casket

Piece Jokes More Piece Jokes

What do you call it when one piece of coal asks another piece of coal out to dinner?

Carbon dating.

What is the most common use for pig skins?

To keep the pig in one piece.

Corpse Jokes More Corpse Jokes

What is the one thing you shouldn't do at a funeral?

The corpse.

What did the mortician say to the corpse?

We're gonna need more lube.

Inside Jokes More Inside Jokes

What do you call a hula hoop with a nail on the inside?

A Navel Destroyer.

How warm is the inside of a tauntaun?

Luke warm

Hide Jokes More Hide Jokes

Why don't more dinosaurs join the police force?

They can't hide behind billboards.

Why couldn't the leopard play Q: Why couldn't the leopard play hide and seek?

Because he was always spotted.

Happen Jokes More Happen Jokes

What happens when you play the drums incorrectly?

You get repercussions

What happened to the magical tractor?

It turned into a field

Seek Jokes More Seek Jokes

Why do you never play hide & seek with mountains?

Mountains peak.

Why are Pokemon terrible to play hide and seek with?

Because they Pikachu

Lid Jokes More Lid Jokes

Why did the ants dance on the jam jar?

The lid said, "Twist to open."

Why is ok to leave the lid off a basket of socialist crabs?

Because whenever one of them climbs to the top, the others drag it back down.