Piece Jokes

Why didn't the piece of paper move out of the way when a car came speeding towards it?

Because it was stationary.

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What did the SI7 Agent say to a piece of bread in a costume?

Heh, disguised toast.

What do you call a piece of fruit that can fly?

A pearrot

Why did the vulture have to check some luggage at the gate?

It was only allowed one piece of carrion.

What do you say when a robot explodes into pieces?

Rest in pieces.

What goes, "Pieces of Nine, Pieces of Nine"?

A parroty error

Why did the redditor stand on a piece of fruit to check his weight?

BECAUSE HE WAS USING A BANANA FOR SCALE

What did the pianist do when someone smashed his piano?

He played many more pieces.

Why did the piece of gum cross the road?

It was stuck to the chicken.

What do you call a piece of pasta that doesn't have any friends?

Cannelonely!

What do a piece of tuperware and a walrus have in common?

They both like a tight seal.

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

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What did Jesus want when he appeared on a piece of toast?

Miracle whip.

How is a lonely twig like a piece of cling wrap?

He can only stick to himself.

What do you call a chicken with a piece of lettuce on its face?

Chicken Caesar salad.

Why did you offer me a piece of candy?

Hotel Clerk: You said you wanted the best suite in the hotel.

What did the snake say when offered a piece of cheese?

Thanks I'll just have a sliver!

Why did a footballer take a piece of rope onto the pitch?

He was the skipper!

What piece of furniture can you always trust?

A Reputable.

What did the cake say to the knife?

You want a piece of me!

What do geological plates and dinner plates have in common?

They're both pieces of China.

How do pirates like their jigsaws?

In pieces of eight.

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Everyday Deserves a Joke

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Whose parrot sits on his shoulder shouting "Pieces of four"?

Short John Silver!

What if they found the face of Jesus in a piece of toast but it was *actually* Jesus?

This is my body, I'm nice with jam.

What do you call it when one piece of coal asks another piece of coal out to dinner?

Carbon dating.

What do you get if you ask a former presidential candidate to write a piece of music about a formula for solving a problem based on a sequence of specified actions?

An algorithm.

How have you done that?

I don't know how but every time I run through that maze and ring the bell he gives me a piece of cheese.

What do you call two homeless people hitting each other with pieces of cardboard?

A pillow fight

What's the difference between an elephant and a piece of paper?

You can't make a paper aeroplane out of an elephant!

What was the inscription on the tomb of Frankenstein's monster?

HERE LIES FRANKENSTEIN'S MONSTER. MAY HE REST IN PIECES.

What did one piece of bread say to the sad piece of bread?

Its going to be all rye.

What the difference between Bernie Sanders and a piece of fruit?

Pieces of fruit actually get picked for something.

Why did the pro football player from the last-place team drop pieces of hamburger into his soup?

He wanted to know how it felt to take part in a Soup-er Bowl!

What did the snake say when he was offered a piece of cheese for dinner?

Thank you I'll just have a slither.

What do you call the outer edge of a piece of bread that has been toasted?

Crusty

Why were all the girls looking at the piece of paper?

Because it was ripped.

What is the most common use for pig skins?

To keep the pig in one piece.

What would Ed Sheeran taste like on a piece of toast?

Gingerbread

What do you call a chicken with a piece of lettuce in it's eye?

Chicken caesar salad.

What did the dog say when it sat on a piece of sandpaper?

Ruff!

What do you call a chicken staring intently at a piece of lettuce?

A chicken ceaser salad.

Why couldn't the band director pick a piece in 4/4 time?

It's too common

What piece of clothing is made overseas in an Asia country?

Japanese

How can you tell if a California State coed is a good cook?

She can get the pop tart out of the toaster in one piece.

What do a big bar of chocolate and a frag grenade have in common?

Everybody gets a piece.

Who's there! Ankansas! Ankansas who?

Ankansas though any piece of wood!

Want to hear a joke about a piece of paper?

Never mind...it's tearable

What happens when you anger a brain surgeon?

They will give you a piece of your mind.

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What do you call a turlte that flies?

A shellocopter. damn homies

Why do seagulls fly over the sea, not the bay?

If they flew over the bay, they would be bagels

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Why is there music coming out of your printer?

That will be the paper jamming again!

What did the farmer say when he tried to milk the cow, but nothing came out?

Time to try the udder one.

Bird Watcher Jokes More Bird Watcher Jokes

What do you call a crow who repairs time pieces?

A bird watcher.

Plastic Jokes More Plastic Jokes

Why do they ask you if you want paper or plastic at the supermarket?

Because baggers can't be choosers.

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a newspaper bag?

One is made of plastic and poses a suffocation hazard to small children. The other one contains newspapers.

Repair Jokes More Repair Jokes

What do you call a crow who repairs time pieces?

A bird watcher.

What song did Scar sing when he fixed his car horn?

Beep repaired...

Speed Jokes More Speed Jokes

What happened to Frankenstein's monster on the road?

He was stopped for speeding fined $50 and dismantled for six months.

How do you know if there is a drummer at your door?

The knocking always speeds up.

Edit Jokes More Edit Jokes

What's a ducks favourite snack?

Quackers! **EDIT: Spelling**

What is the best gift you can give your girlfriend for your anniversary?

Nothing. It's a gift she will always remember. Edit: Wording clarified (Thanks to therinnovator).