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Why did a footballer take a piece of rope onto the pitch?

He was the skipper!

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Piece Jokes More Piece Jokes

What did the snake say when offered a piece of cheese?

Thanks I'll just have a sliver!

How do you get Amy Schumer, Rosie O'donnell and Lena Dunham to move to Canada?

Piece of cake.

Rope Jokes More Rope Jokes

What do they do with rope in space?

Tie Astro-knots.

Why didn't the rope get any presents this year?

He was very knotty.

Pitch Jokes More Pitch Jokes

What did the umpire say when Randy Johnson hit a bird with his pitch?

Fowl ball.

Why did Micheal Jackson want to be a camp counselor?

He would give Merit Badges for pitching a tent.

Footballer Jokes More Footballer Jokes

What did the footballer say when he accidentally burped during a game?

Sorry it was a freak hic!

Where do footballers dance?

At a football!

Skipper Jokes More Skipper Jokes

What do you call a man with no arms or legs...... sitting at your door?

Matt....floating in your pool Bob....hanging on your wall Art.... water skiing Skipper.

Why did a footballer take a piece of rope onto the pitch?

He was the skipper!