How do footballers send messages?

By referee-mail.

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What's the difference between a loaf of bread and a penguin?

I don't know what " "We're sure not sending you to the store!"

What do you call a bull that's sent overseas by boat?

Shipped beef!

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What do you get if you cross a woodpecker with a carrier pigeon?

A bird who knocks before delivering its message!

Why did my friend throw my computer out the window?

So A Dell could message me and say Hello from the other side.

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What did the German Footballer name his pet?

Schweinsteiger.

Why did the footballer hold his boot to his ear?

Because he liked sole music!