Rope Jokes

What did the string say when the rope proposed marriage?

Let's knot.

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How do you get an emo out of a tree?

Untie the rope...

What falls faster from a tree? A leaf or an emo?

The leaf, the rope stops the emo.

How does a sloth hang itself?

By trying to jump rope.

How do pirates measure rope?

In yarr'ds.

How do you get a black guy out of a tree?

Cut the rope!

Why did a footballer take a piece of rope onto the pitch?

He was the skipper!

What's more fun than swinging an infant over your head with a rope as fast as you can?

Stopping it with a shovel

Why didn't the rope get any presents this year?

He was very knotty.

How do you get a black man out of a tree?

Cut the rope.

What did one end of the rope say to the other?

We were bound to get together...

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Why did the rope not get any presents?

Because he was knotty.

Why did the rope go to jail?

Because he was knotty

What is the difference between a banjo and an anchor?

You tie a rope to an anchor before you throw it overboard.

Who's there! Caroline! Caroline who?

Caroline of rope with you!

How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.

Why did the boxer sprinkle cocaine on his exercise rope?

He wanted to practice the rope-a-dope.

What falls down faster from a tree, a leaf or an emo?

A leaf. The rope catches the emo.

Why did the rope get put in timeout?

Because he was very knotty.

What do they do with rope in space?

Tie Astro-knots.

Why do sailors give their wives a bouqet of ropes instead of flowers?

It's a bouqet of forget-me-knots.

Why did you tie a rope on that criminal?

Officer: You ordered me to get a line on the suspect.

How do you get a goth down from a tree?

Cut the rope

Which wrestler do the Gorillas admire most?

Gorilla Monsoon - he knows the ropes!

Why did the man use a pair of scissors on the rope?

The knife just wasn't cutting it.

What lands first?

The leaf, a rope stopped the emo.

What do you get when you cross a snake and a kangaroo?

('A jump rope')

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How do you get an emo out of a tree?

Untie the rope...

Why did the dyslexic escapologist join the International Socialists?

A. because he wanted to help untie the human race.

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What do Big Ben and the House of Commons have in common?

Both have a huge bellend swinging his weight around inside

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Stopping it with a shovel

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What did the defendant say when he saw his picture hung up in the courtroom?

I've been framed.

How do you know you're on the phone with a meth head?

When comcast puts them on hold and they don't hang up

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What do silicon and my ex girlfriend have in common?

The resistance of both drop when doped.

How do you plant dope?

Bury a blonde.

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How does the devil measure his drugs?

In pentagrams

What's the biggest fish you ever caught?

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What's the form of public transit most rife with filth and disease?

Let's name our sandwich shop after it

Why don't they let gansters play Quidditch?

Cause gangsters always catch the snitch!