Because it was Stalin! (Sorry. Communist jokes aren't funny unless every gets them.)
Somebody who stays up all night torturing himself mentally over the question whether or not theres a dog.
Screw it. EDIT: has a better answer
Nun.
Amburgers & Woot Beer! Edit: Thanks to my dad for this one.
You're probably Australian. EDIT: I mean venomous, not poisonous. I am sorry
Michael Chewbacca EDIT: Some people don't get the joke..... Michael schumacher is a F1 race car driving legend.
You don't cry when you cut up a saxophone. Happy Saxophone Day Why this musical abomination deserves its own day is beyond me. Edit: beside to beyond
A Tyrannosaurus Wrecks. EDIT: Spelled "Tyrannosaurus" incorrectly.
You. Why I oughta...! Edit: Wow, thanks for all the love. My son is quite the character and he really caught me off guard with this!
To get to the other slide. Edit: spelling.
They're a little Chewie. (Edit: Wookiee***)
Where on Earth have you been?!
Divine intervention. edit: Oh.
Nothing. It's a gift she will always remember. Edit: Wording clarified (Thanks to therinnovator).
Because he was sheet faced.
Not enough cement EDIT: Okay thanks for pointing out that I messed up the wording but the joke is supposed to be the funny part
A punkin. Edit: and apparently not me.
Doctor Dolittle
It was on a strict diet of worms. edit: changed pronoun to avoid ambiguity
Tulips on an organ. Edit: accidentally a letter.
So long and thanks for all the fish." Edit: Everyone hates me.
A flat miner. EDIT: spelling
Gingerbread. Edit: This is more of an out-loud joke. So, maybe it'll help if it read: "Ginger-bred" instead.
His sc*aaarrrr*f Edit: I get it guys, you all have better punchlines than me.
None. They just compliment it and get mad when it won't screw. Edit: a word
Put it in the oven at three fifty tree fiddy until it's Bill Withers. Edit:summoning happened.
Son says: "umm... With my eyes closed " Edit: This actually happened btw. Probably funnier irl.
Guaca**mole**y edit: how do I make it not say this joke is Dirty
Core i3, i5, i7... ican't even! Edited from: >They can't even
I guess she is trans parent now Edit: *through
It's going well I guess. It has its usps and it's downs. Edited for correctness
Quackers! **EDIT: Spelling**
Amburgers & Woot Beer! Edit: Thanks to my dad for this one.
Eric Clapton wouldn't let a bag of cocaine fall out the window. EDIT: Damn it he was four
Because the other fish were crying. Edit: *One of them dies.
Johnny", responds his dad, " I neither know nor care." Edit: granma grammar.
Clickbait. Edit: Added a space which triggered someone.
To ketchup Edit: I'm sorry
Toad. Thanks, HammerElectionBeans for the edit.
It doesn't matter how many. They just compliment it and get mad when it won't screw.
No eye-deer. EDIT: I totally messed this joke up. Please give me another chance with another joke
Nothing, you can't cross a vector by a scalar. EDIT: changed multiply to cross.
Cleaver! EDIT: Also Sharp, knew about this one but I like Cleaver better.
He never got no respec. *edited to make grammar worse
Because 5 was a Registered Six Offender. Edit: a word.
Vultures attack first, when you are dead.
You twist its knob. edit: grammar
Miraculous. Edited: tough crowd
Me, when I remember to floss once a month. Edit: account got hacked and showed something different. Sorry about that
Seizure salad. edit: fixed the word 'call'
They both need a *break* every once in a *while*. edit: this is a three-way pun btw - it works better out loud
Because if we could I would edit a tweet with 2,000 retweets to say "RT if you hate puppies and babies."
It doesn't matter how many. They just compliment it and get mad when it won't screw. Edit: Credits to Drougen for making it better.
Because he tries to keep things Loki...
1961
Shoepremacy.
A non-prophet religion Edit: Replace the word "religion" with "set of beliefs" if you're picky about that sort of thing
You can hear their brooms tick!
Because he heard the ref was blowin' fowels..
Because she might Let it Go
Because she'll let it goooo
A full set of teeth.
It set!
Just one. They hold it in place while the world revolves around them.
Go to Coles new world.
The bear minimum
One to put in the new one, and two to sing about how good the old one was.
To get a sixpac! (Thank you 7th grade me)
We thank you Lord for our daily dead!
