Puppy Jokes

What does a near-sighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common?

A wet nose

Everyday Deserves a Joke

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What did the gold say when it saw the puppy?

Au.

What's the best part about getting a puppy?

Getting new shoes every week.

What's the difference between a singer-songwriter and a puppy?

A puppy eventually grows up and stops whining. Thanks to PuddinHead742 for this one.

What did the puppy say when he sat on sand paper?

RUFF!

Why is it called a "litter" of puppies?

Because they mess up the whole house!

What would you call a nine day old dog in Russia?

A puppy.

What's the difference between a surgeon and a puppy?

If you put a puppy in a room by itself for an hour it'll probably stop whining.

What do you call a puppy combined with bread?

Well, It's not a purebread anymore.

How long have you felt like this?

Ever since I was a puppy!

What do you call a puppy with a camera?

A furtographer

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

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What do you call a litter of puppies who've been out in the snow?

Slush Puppies

What did the puppy say when it sat on sandpaper?

Ruff

When she asks "is that your puppy?

Say "No. That's my dad." Then storm off.

Why can't we edit tweets?

Because if we could I would edit a tweet with 2,000 retweets to say "RT if you hate puppies and babies."

How do you know when you should get a puppy?

When life's getting a little ruff...

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Thank Jokes More Thank Jokes

What does A&ampW stand for?

Amburgers &amp Woot Beer! Edit: Thanks to my dad for this one.

What did the snake say when he was offered a piece of cheese for dinner?

Thank you I'll just have a slither.

Teach Jokes More Teach Jokes

What do you call a person who teaches you how to fart?

A tutor.

How did Zarathustra introduce his peanut-based health drink?

I teach you the goober quench!

Room Jokes More Room Jokes

How many alcoholics does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb, and one to drink until the room starts spinning.

What has dual airbags and has lots of room?

The White House.

Surgeon Jokes More Surgeon Jokes

What's the difference between a surgeon and God?

God knows he's not a surgeon.

What's this bit here?

NURSE: ...his heart ME: Hm. NURSE: Your resume said you were a surgeon ME: My resume says a lot of things

Explode Jokes More Explode Jokes

What do you call an exploding monkey?

A BA-BOOM!

What happens when someone mixes Francium, Oxygen, Tungsten, and Nitrogen after it explodes?

The chemist may frown.

Post Jokes More Post Jokes

What would you call a rock digger's mistake?

A miner infraction! From, posted by

What does a redditor do after his picket fence is installed?

He re-posts it.

Week Jokes More Week Jokes

What do you call a 5 year old's knees?

Kidneys!

What is the dirtiest day of the week?

SaTURDay

Trick Jokes More Trick Jokes

Why can't you trick an aborted baby?

Because it was not born yesterday.

What does a Muslim magician say before his trick?

Araba-cadabra