Puppy Jokes

What does a near-sighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common?

A wet nose

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What did the gold say when it saw the puppy?

Au.

What's the best part about getting a puppy?

Getting new shoes every week.

What's the difference between a singer-songwriter and a puppy?

A puppy eventually grows up and stops whining. Thanks to PuddinHead742 for this one.

What did the puppy say when he sat on sand paper?

RUFF!

Why is it called a "litter" of puppies?

Because they mess up the whole house!

What would you call a nine day old dog in Russia?

A puppy.

What's the difference between a surgeon and a puppy?

If you put a puppy in a room by itself for an hour it'll probably stop whining.

What do you call a puppy combined with bread?

Well, It's not a purebread anymore.

How long have you felt like this?

Ever since I was a puppy!

What do you call a puppy with a camera?

A furtographer

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What do you call a litter of puppies who've been out in the snow?

Slush Puppies

What did the puppy say when it sat on sandpaper?

Ruff

When she asks "is that your puppy?

Say "No. That's my dad." Then storm off.

Why can't we edit tweets?

Because if we could I would edit a tweet with 2,000 retweets to say "RT if you hate puppies and babies."

How do you know when you should get a puppy?

When life's getting a little ruff...

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Explode Jokes More Explode Jokes

Why are Samsung phones so popular?

Because you C4 of them exploding every day

What do you say when a robot explodes into pieces?

Rest in pieces.

Know Jokes More Know Jokes

How do we know that slaves went to college?

They all had masters

How do you know if Buzzfeed article is stolen?

You get the feeling that you've Reddit before.

Teach Jokes More Teach Jokes

What should you know before you teach your dog a new trick?

You should know more than your dog.

What did Obe Wan say to Skywalker when he was teaching him table manners?

Use the forks Luke.

Hour Jokes More Hour Jokes

How do you know when you are a drug addict?

When you realize that you have had 2 strepsils within one hour.

Why did the crowd watch the man futily attempt to blend oil and water for hours on end?

It was unmiscible.

Surgeon Jokes More Surgeon Jokes

Why did the woman fall in love with the surgeon?

Because he cauterize.

What's the difference between a surgeon and a puppy?

If you put a puppy in a room by itself for an hour it'll probably stop whining.

Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

Why do sailors give their wives a bouqet of ropes instead of flowers?

It's a bouqet of forget-me-knots.

How do you prove that your dog loves you more than your wife?

Lock them both in the trunk of the car for an hour, then open it up and see which one of them is happier to see you.

Lightbulb Jokes More Lightbulb Jokes

How many people with Alzheimer's did it take to change a lightbulb?

To get to the other side.

How many Dragonball Z characters does it take to change a lightbulb?

Find out next time, on Dragonball Z!!!

Thank Jokes More Thank Jokes

Where do American bees store their honey?

In a USBee hive. Thank my ten year old for that one.

What's a caterpillar afraid of?

A dogerpillar (Thank you Laffy Taffy for the worst best joke I've ever heard)