Puppy Jokes

What does a near-sighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common?

A wet nose

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What did the gold say when it saw the puppy?

Au.

What's the best part about getting a puppy?

Getting new shoes every week.

What's the difference between a singer-songwriter and a puppy?

A puppy eventually grows up and stops whining. Thanks to PuddinHead742 for this one.

What do you call a puppy in the desert?

Anyone else got some fun jokes your kids have told you?

How many puppies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Do you know yet Me (in a sea of puppies): No, they haven't done it. Bring more

What did the puppy say when he sat on sand paper?

RUFF!

Why is it called a "litter" of puppies?

Because they mess up the whole house!

What would you call a nine day old dog in Russia?

A puppy.

What's the difference between a surgeon and a puppy?

If you put a puppy in a room by itself for an hour it'll probably stop whining.

What if I see a puppy?

What if my house burns down

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What do you call a puppy combined with bread?

Well, It's not a purebread anymore.

How long have you felt like this?

Ever since I was a puppy!

What do you call a puppy with a camera?

A furtographer

What do you call a litter of puppies who've been out in the snow?

Slush Puppies

What did the puppy say when it sat on sandpaper?

Ruff

When she asks "is that your puppy?

Say "No. That's my dad." Then storm off.

How do you get a puppy to stay the same size forever?

You stop feeding it.

What do you call someone who molests puppies and kittens?

A Petophile

Why can't we edit tweets?

Because if we could I would edit a tweet with 2,000 retweets to say "RT if you hate puppies and babies."

How do you know when you should get a puppy?

When life's getting a little ruff...

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What's the difference between a barrel rider, and a can of Copenhagen?

You can only fit 3 fingers in a can of Copenhagen.

What's a difference between a teacher and a train?

The teacher tells you to spit you gum out. The train says, "Chew, chew, chew!"

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What is the dirtiest day of the week?

SaTURDay

Why was the virgins' wedding during the middle of the week?

Because Wednesday is hump day.

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What was the philosopher's favorite toy growing up?

Playdough.

What do you call an animal rights' activist that never grows old?

PETA Pan

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What does having kids bring you that money simply can't buy?

Poverty

What animals do you bring to bed?

Your calves.

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What did the goldsmith say when he stubbed his toe?

What did the gold say when it saw the puppy?

Au.

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What do you call a business man that blocks snow?

A cold wall banker.

What do you say when it's snowing?

Winter is coming.

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What's so funny?

Asks the dermatologist. "Sorry, it's a inside joke." replies the surgeon.

What's this bit here?

NURSE: ...his heart ME: Hm. NURSE: Your resume said you were a surgeon ME: My resume says a lot of things