Week Jokes

Why is Friday the best day of the week?

Its the 5/7 day of the week

March Madness Sale

What has one eye but can't see?

A blind man...

What's the best part about getting a puppy?

Getting new shoes every week.

What's the difference between a PC gamer and a console player?

One spends 400 dollars on a console that will play games for years, the other pays 400 dollars for a graphics card that will be outdated in a week

Where should you take your cat, if it somehow loses its tail?

Walmart, they're the world's biggest retailer. Thank you. I'll be here all week.

What's an American's favourite day of the week?

Fryday.

What's the difference between a blonde and a washer?

When you dump your load in a washer, it doesn't follow you around for a week.

What's the difference between a necrophiliac and someone with a granny fetish?

A couple of weeks

A man sees that his neigjhbnour doesn't have his wheeled trash bin. "Hey bub, where's ya bin" "I took a little vacation for a few weeks," "No. I meant where's your bin?" "Told ya, vacation, at the beach!" "No man. Where's ya wheely bin?" "Ok, fine! I've wheely been to jail! Happy now?"

What is a lesbians favorite day of the week?

Tuesday

March Madness Sale

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

$14.99 $19.99

How does Walter Palmer like his eggs?

Poached. Thank you, I'm here all week. EDIT: this got no upvotes and I don't think it deserved any

How many retweets to let me take your sister to prom?

A student walks up to his friend a week before prom and asks, "Hey, how many Twitter retweets do i have to get to take your sister to prom?" His friend says, "Dude, she was abducted! She's been missing 3 weeks, you know this!" The student says, "So you're saying if i find her, i can take her?"

What did the tiger say to the detective?

I'm not lion. Ill be here all week...

What is the dirtiest day of the week?

SaTURDay

How do you keep a turkey in suspense?

I'll get back to you in a few weeks

What do you call a group of millionaires sitting around watching the NBA finals?

The Lakers. (Laker fan here. Sorry prob would have been more appropriate last week during the finals.) Edit: I heard this some where the other day. I can't take credit for the joke.

How many Kings of Spain abdicated last week?

Just Juan

What's the true meaning of a New Years resolution?

Something you do for the first week of the new year.

What's the difference between a washing machine and your mom?

The last time I dumped a load into the washing machine, she didn't follow me around for a week!

How long does it take King Zora to move out of your way?

A week, a week, a week, a week, a week, a week.

March Madness Sale

Love Card

$5.99

What's the difference between the jokes from today and next week's jokes?

The posters.

How many recovering alcoholics does it take to change a light bulb?

We'll get on it next week

What's the best day of the week to marry your gaming console?

Wednesday

Why was the girl stuck in the revolving door for two weeks?

Cuz she couldn't find the door handle

Why did Kim Jong-il die a week before December 25th?

Because Rudolph is the only deer leader at Christmas.

Why did Clemson choose orange as its team color?

So they could play football on Saturday, go hunting on Sunday, and pick up garbage the rest of the week.

What are the strongest days of the week?

Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.

What award did the kid in a coma for six weeks win?

Atrophy.

What's the difference between the jokes I read today, and the jokes I read last week?

The posters

What happened to the tiger who took a bath three times a day?

After a week he was spotless!

March Madness Sale

Everyday Deserves a Joke

$14.99 $19.99

Why weren't you at work last week?

Me: Why are you living in the past

What does it mean when a groundhog sees a maple leaf on feb. 02?

Six more weeks of bad hockey!

What would you call an additional day added to the week?

Sumday

What's the longest you've ever stared at your phone without glancing up to look at the road while driving?

For me it's three weeks.

Why do you smell like weed?

Me: How do you know what weed smells like! Busted, mister! You're grounded for a week. Dad: Okaayy

What's the difference between a bad haircut and a good haircut?

About two weeks.

Who's there! Amelia! Amelia who?

Amelia a package last week - did you get it!

What do you call a policewoman who hasn't shaved for a week?

Constable

Why was the virgins' wedding during the middle of the week?

Because Wednesday is hump day.

How do you know when you're turning 40?

When your candy jar is filled with Tums..... My wife just came up with that one... Birthday is next week.. Ugh

Why repent?

I pented just last week.

What do you call enchilada sauce bkessed by a priest?

HOLY MOLE' Thank you, I'll be in r/dadjokes all week!

How the hell would she know?

We only met last week!

How many editors does it take to change a lightbulb?

It was supposed to be in place last week!

What happened to your three week diet?

Player: I finished it in three days!

What's the difference between a sick elephant and seven days?

One is a weak one and the other one week!

What do you get if you cross a labrador and a tortoise?

A dog that will run to the shop to get your paper and bring back last weeks paper!

What do you call a skeleton in fancy attire?

Fashionably late. I'll be here all week.

What do you call a pirate who intentionally sets a fire at sea?

An arrrrrsonist. Thank you. I'll be here all week.

What do you call a 5 year old's knees?

Kidneys! Ha! I'll be here all week folks.

Why is England so special?

Only they can pull out of Europe twice in a week.

Whatever for?

Fred: Then you'd be in a cast for weeks.

Which day of the week do ghosts like best?

Moandays.

What's the Russian President's favorite song?

Putin on the Ritz!" I'll be here all week guys.

What day of the week did the 1st calendar day ever fall on?

Do the math! Me: Seriously! It's 2AM and I'm leading a meeting tomorrow

Why do women make better soldiers?

Because they can bleed for a week and not die.

Why did the physicist move across the street from the haunted graveyard?

To observe spooky action at a distance! Thank you, I'll be here all week.

What did Abraham Lincoln say after a two week drunk?

I freed what

Why should a honeymoon only be six days?

Because seven days makes a whole week.

What's a nuns favorite day of the week?

Sununday.

How do the Dallas Cowboys spend their first week at spring training?

Studying their Miranda Rights.

Why are Sharks the only species that get their own week?

I'd totally watch hermit crab week if they had one.

Why did the Country Bear Jamboree bear blush?

Because he was a bear a-singing...... I am at Disney with the kids this week...

What do you call orange juice that looks like apple juice, but tastes like orange juice?

Juice Jenner. I'll be here all week

Who's there! Cannelloni! Cannelloni who?

Cannelloni some money till next week

What are the strongest days of the week?

Saturday and Sunday...the rest are weekdays.

You might also enjoy:

Pc Gamer Jokes More Pc Gamer Jokes

Week Jokes

Why is Friday the best day of the week?

I Love Pizza & You

How do you ruin a joke?

What has one eye but can't see?

What's the best part about getting a puppy?

What's the difference between a PC gamer and a console player?

Where should you take your cat, if it somehow loses its tail?

What's an American's favourite day of the week?

What's the difference between a blonde and a washer?

What's the difference between a necrophiliac and someone with a granny fetish?

Where's your bin?

What is a lesbians favorite day of the week?

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

How does Walter Palmer like his eggs?

How many retweets to let me take your sister to prom?

What did the tiger say to the detective?

What is the dirtiest day of the week?

How do you keep a turkey in suspense?

What do you call a group of millionaires sitting around watching the NBA finals?

How many Kings of Spain abdicated last week?

What's the true meaning of a New Years resolution?

What's the difference between a washing machine and your mom?

How long does it take King Zora to move out of your way?

Love Card

What's the difference between the jokes from today and next week's jokes?

How many recovering alcoholics does it take to change a light bulb?

What's the best day of the week to marry your gaming console?

Why was the girl stuck in the revolving door for two weeks?

Why did Kim Jong-il die a week before December 25th?

Why did Clemson choose orange as its team color?

What are the strongest days of the week?

What award did the kid in a coma for six weeks win?

What's the difference between the jokes I read today, and the jokes I read last week?

What happened to the tiger who took a bath three times a day?

Everyday Deserves a Joke

Why weren't you at work last week?

What does it mean when a groundhog sees a maple leaf on feb. 02?

What would you call an additional day added to the week?

What's the longest you've ever stared at your phone without glancing up to look at the road while driving?

Why do you smell like weed?

What's the difference between a bad haircut and a good haircut?

Who's there! Amelia! Amelia who?

What do you call a policewoman who hasn't shaved for a week?

Why was the virgins' wedding during the middle of the week?

How do you know when you're turning 40?

Why repent?

What do you call enchilada sauce bkessed by a priest?

How the hell would she know?

How many editors does it take to change a lightbulb?

What happened to your three week diet?

What's the difference between a sick elephant and seven days?

What do you get if you cross a labrador and a tortoise?

What do you call a skeleton in fancy attire?

What do you call a pirate who intentionally sets a fire at sea?

What do you call a 5 year old's knees?

Why is England so special?

Whatever for?

Which day of the week do ghosts like best?

What's the Russian President's favorite song?

What day of the week did the 1st calendar day ever fall on?

Why do women make better soldiers?

Why did the physicist move across the street from the haunted graveyard?

What did Abraham Lincoln say after a two week drunk?

Why should a honeymoon only be six days?

What's a nuns favorite day of the week?

How do the Dallas Cowboys spend their first week at spring training?

Why are Sharks the only species that get their own week?

Why did the Country Bear Jamboree bear blush?

What do you call orange juice that looks like apple juice, but tastes like orange juice?

Who's there! Cannelloni! Cannelloni who?

What are the strongest days of the week?

You might also enjoy:

What's the difference between a PC gamer and a console player?

Why can't PC gamers use Uber?

What do people with memory loss and posters on r/jokes have in common?

How do you get a post that's not a joke into /r/jokes?

Why do stormtroopers never have long distance relationships?

What do you call Batman when he misses church?

What does a near-sighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common?