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What did Abraham Lincoln say after a two week drunk?

I freed what

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What's the difference between a necrophiliac and someone with a granny fetish?

A couple of weeks

How do the Dallas Cowboys spend their first week at spring training?

Studying their Miranda Rights.

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What did Abraham Lincoln say after a two week drunk?

I freed what

What's the difference between Santa Claus and Harry Potter?

Santa would never free an elf.

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What did George Washington Abraham Lincoln and Christopher Columbus all have in common?

They were all born on holidays.

Why is Abraham Lincoln on the Penny?

Because it makes cents (sense).