What did Abraham Lincoln say after a two week drunk?

I freed what

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Week Jokes More Week Jokes

What do you call a Greek philosopher who plays hard to get?

A socra-tease Made this one up myself. I'll be here all week

What award did the kid in a coma for six weeks win?

Atrophy.

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How did the 3 legged frog get across the 4 lane freeway?

Take the F out of Free, and the F out of way and you'll have your answer.

What's the difference between Santa Claus and Harry Potter?

Santa would never free an elf.

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Why can't Abraham Lincoln remember the Gettysburg Address?

Because he's dead.

What do Abraham Lincoln and Ryan Fitzpatrick have in common?

Neither of them can finish a play