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What would you call an additional day added to the week?

Sumday

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What happened when Apple added the new touchbar?

They're taking away functions, and there's no escape.

Whatya doin?

Me: I fixed the toilet so I'm adding Potty Fixer to my resume W: You mean Plumber M: DO I LOOK LIKE A HOUSE SCIENTIST

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What's the longest you've ever stared at your phone without glancing up to look at the road while driving?

For me it's three weeks.

What do you call a 5 year old's knees?

Kidneys! Ha! I'll be here all week folks.