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How do you cut down a hipster tree?

A suuh dude!

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Why should you never let a non-metal drive a train?

Because they're poor conductors! (I know they're called Engineers but cut me some slack, I thought of this in the 9th grade.)

How do hispanics cut a pizza?

Little Caesars

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Why do so many guys spit in urinals?

Just seems weird that there are that many dudes who salivate at the sight of a wiener.

How do you encourage a potter while he's glazing his bowl?

Way to go dude, you're kiln it!