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Dude Jokes

What does it mean if a dude looks down and sees four balls instead of two?

He needs to be very careful, because he may be getting screwed.

We've Got This Love Thing Down

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We've Got This Love Thing Down

What do you say when somebody cuts in front of you in line for Vietnamese noodles?

Hey, pho queue, dude

What are you planting???

B: The seed of doubt. A: Dude, that's the worst joke I've ever heard! A: Or is it the best???

How will you escape?

Dude: It's very simple, I will stop my imagination

Why don't you want to hang out with a dude from Chicago?

Because 'Illinois you!

How many retweets to let me take your sister to prom?

A student walks up to his friend a week before prom and asks, "Hey, how many Twitter retweets do i have to get to take your sister to prom?" His friend says, "Dude, she was abducted! She's been missing 3 weeks, you know this!" The student says, "So you're saying if i find her, i can take her?"

How do you encourage a potter while he's glazing his bowl?

Way to go dude, you're kiln it!

Why didn't the lifeguard save the drowning hippy?

Because he was too far out... (dude).

Wheree did the king keep his armies?

IN HIS SLEEVIES LOL xp cuz it's like armies like babi talk for arms instead of an armie like a bunch of dudes w/ issues w/ theer masculinity np, glad i cud explain dis 2 u

What would you call the mailman if he got fired?

I don't know, just some dude.

How do you cut down a hipster tree?

A suuh dude!

I Love Pizza & You

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I Love Pizza & You

Why do you Americans drive on the wrong side of the road?

I told him, "Dude, we literally drive on the right side."

How old is your girlfriend?

She's52" "Haha, dude, she could be your mom!" "Yeah, actually it's yours"

What did one font say to the other while at the beach?

Serifs up, dude!

What if horses rode horses?

And then THOSE horses rode MORE horses Then it's like, whoa dude! Check out that big stack of horses!

How about if the villain is a psychopath out to make a skin suit?

Not in a kids movie, dude. "Ok, but it's puppy skin " - Oh, then YES!

How do frat boys cut down trees?

With a sah, dude

What did the guy say to the funny drug dealer?

You really crack me up dude!" The drug dealer responds with: "How much "

Where are the colored printers?

I said "Dude... it's 2014, you can use whichever printer you want"

Why do so many guys spit in urinals?

Just seems weird that there are that many dudes who salivate at the sight of a wiener.

What did one crow say to the other?

Caw dude

Love Card

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Love Card

What was the deal with that dude wearing a tie and an apron at brunch?

He kept writing down everything we said, he gave me the crepes.

How is it when my son has homework,I have to be involved?

Dude,I already did my time.

Who's the handsome man here?

And the dude goes "Oh God! Not again! Who am I "

What did the Hippie say to the invisible elephant?

Hey dude, you're outta sight!

Whoa! Dude! Why is Judge Judy in my house?

And why is she wearing my underpants

What's white and red, 3 inches long, and makes dudes scream and run away when you show it to them?

A positive pregnancy test.

What the 0 said to the 8?

Nice belt, dude!

Where is all the color white?

Bartender says, "dude, this is a gray bar.

How many bodybuilders does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

It takes four. One to screw in the bulb, and three others to watch and say, "Really dude, you look huge!"

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Hear Jokes More Hear Jokes

Why can't the band Def Leppard make music anymore?

They all lost their hearing

What happens when business is slow at a medicine factory?

You can hear a cough drop.

Lightbulb Jokes More Lightbulb Jokes

How many Apple users does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. Once the bulb goes out, they replace the house.

How many teenage girls does it take to change a lightbulb?

11. 1 to change the lightbulb & 10 to take 200 photos of it & clog my newsfeed.

Tree Jokes More Tree Jokes

Why did the Millennium Falcon hot a tree?

Because Han was flying so low.

Why did the tree go to jail?

Treason

Dumpster Jokes More Dumpster Jokes

What do you call a big trash can?

A dumpster.

What's worse than two babies in a dumpster?

A baby in two dumpsters.

Light Bulb Jokes More Light Bulb Jokes

How many hipsters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's an obscure number, you have probably never heard of it.

How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him.

Fast Way Jokes More Fast Way Jokes

What is the fastest way to exit a car on the highway?

Through the windshield

What's the fastest way to go from 300 pounds to 140?

Convert to kilograms.

Pho Queue Jokes More Pho Queue Jokes

What do you call a lineup at a Vietnamese restaurant?

A Pho queue

Where are you when you're in the U.K. waiting for Vietnamese soup?

Pho queue

B Jokes More B Jokes

Why is B so cool?

Because it is next to the AC

What's the difference between Bad Jokes and Dad Jokes?

One starts with B and the otber starts with D