Dude Jokes

What does it mean if a dude looks down and sees four balls instead of two?

He needs to be very careful, because he may be getting screwed.

April Sale

What do you say when somebody cuts in front of you in line for Vietnamese noodles?

Hey, pho queue, dude

What are you planting???

B: The seed of doubt. A: Dude, that's the worst joke I've ever heard! A: Or is it the best???

How will you escape?

Dude: It's very simple, I will stop my imagination

Why don't you want to hang out with a dude from Chicago?

Because 'Illinois you!

How many retweets to let me take your sister to prom?

A student walks up to his friend a week before prom and asks, "Hey, how many Twitter retweets do i have to get to take your sister to prom?" His friend says, "Dude, she was abducted! She's been missing 3 weeks, you know this!" The student says, "So you're saying if i find her, i can take her?"

How do you encourage a potter while he's glazing his bowl?

Way to go dude, you're kiln it!

Why didn't the lifeguard save the drowning hippy?

Because he was too far out... (dude).

Wheree did the king keep his armies?

IN HIS SLEEVIES LOL xp cuz it's like armies like babi talk for arms instead of an armie like a bunch of dudes w/ issues w/ theer masculinity np, glad i cud explain dis 2 u

What would you call the mailman if he got fired?

I don't know, just some dude.

How do you cut down a hipster tree?

A suuh dude!

April Sale

I Love Pizza & You

$5.99

Why do you Americans drive on the wrong side of the road?

I told him, "Dude, we literally drive on the right side."

How old is your girlfriend?

She's52" "Haha, dude, she could be your mom!" "Yeah, actually it's yours"

What did one font say to the other while at the beach?

Serifs up, dude!

What if horses rode horses?

And then THOSE horses rode MORE horses Then it's like, whoa dude! Check out that big stack of horses!

How about if the villain is a psychopath out to make a skin suit?

Not in a kids movie, dude. "Ok, but it's puppy skin " - Oh, then YES!

How do frat boys cut down trees?

With a sah, dude

What did the guy say to the funny drug dealer?

You really crack me up dude!" The drug dealer responds with: "How much "

Where are the colored printers?

I said "Dude... it's 2014, you can use whichever printer you want"

Why do so many guys spit in urinals?

Just seems weird that there are that many dudes who salivate at the sight of a wiener.

What did one crow say to the other?

Caw dude

$Your Age Is Only Math$

April Sale

You might also enjoy:

Need Jokes More Need Jokes

Why is the demand for potato chips rising in China?

They need clean air.

Why did 20 blondes stand outside the bar?

Because you need to be 21 to get in.

Fast Way Jokes More Fast Way Jokes

What's the fastest way to make money as a guitarist?

By selling your guitar.

What's the fastest way to ruin free pie?

Put the word 'gluten' at the beginning

Hear Jokes More Hear Jokes

Why is Santa Claus so jolly?

He knows where all the naughty girls live. I actually heard this in the video game LA Noire. Thought it was pretty funny so I bust it out every Christmas.