Dude Jokes

What does it mean if a dude looks down and sees four balls instead of two?

He needs to be very careful, because he may be getting screwed.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug

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What do you say when somebody cuts in front of you in line for Vietnamese noodles?

Hey, pho queue, dude

What are you planting???

B: The seed of doubt. A: Dude, that's the worst joke I've ever heard! A: Or is it the best???

How will you escape?

Dude: It's very simple, I will stop my imagination

Why don't you want to hang out with a dude from Chicago?

Because 'Illinois you!

How do you encourage a potter while he's glazing his bowl?

Way to go dude, you're kiln it!

Why didn't the lifeguard save the drowning hippy?

Because he was too far out... (dude).

Wheree did the king keep his armies?

IN HIS SLEEVIES LOL xp cuz it's like armies like babi talk for arms instead of an armie like a bunch of dudes w/ issues w/ theer masculinity np, glad i cud explain dis 2 u

What would you call the mailman if he got fired?

I don't know, just some dude.

How do you cut down a hipster tree?

A suuh dude!

Why do you Americans drive on the wrong side of the road?

I told him, "Dude, we literally drive on the right side."

Everyday Deserves a Joke

Everyday Deserves a Joke

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How old is your girlfriend?

She's52" "Haha, dude, she could be your mom!" "Yeah, actually it's yours"

What did one font say to the other while at the beach?

Serifs up, dude!

What if horses rode horses?

And then THOSE horses rode MORE horses Then it's like, whoa dude! Check out that big stack of horses!

How do frat boys cut down trees?

With a sah, dude

What did the guy say to the funny drug dealer?

You really crack me up dude!" The drug dealer responds with: "How much "

Where are the colored printers?

I said "Dude... it's 2014, you can use whichever printer you want"

Why do so many guys spit in urinals?

Just seems weird that there are that many dudes who salivate at the sight of a wiener.

What did one crow say to the other?

Caw dude

What was the deal with that dude wearing a tie and an apron at brunch?

He kept writing down everything we said, he gave me the crepes.

How is it when my son has homework,I have to be involved?

Dude,I already did my time.

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

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Who's the handsome man here?

And the dude goes "Oh God! Not again! Who am I "

What did the Hippie say to the invisible elephant?

Hey dude, you're outta sight!

Whoa! Dude! Why is Judge Judy in my house?

And why is she wearing my underpants

What's white and red, 3 inches long, and makes dudes scream and run away when you show it to them?

A positive pregnancy test.

What the 0 said to the 8?

Nice belt, dude!

Where is all the color white?

Bartender says, "dude, this is a gray bar.

How many bodybuilders does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

It takes four. One to screw in the bulb, and three others to watch and say, "Really dude, you look huge!"

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Line Jokes More Line Jokes

Why are the streets of France lined with trees?

So the Germans can march in the shade.

What do you call it when people line up well?

High queue-ality.

Dumpster Jokes More Dumpster Jokes

What's worse than two babies in a dumpster?

A baby in two dumpsters.

How many handles do a black dude's coffin have?

Have you ever seen a dumpster with four?

Hear Jokes More Hear Jokes

Why did the chicken cross the state line?

He just had to get out of there because he heard that Kentucky fried chicken!

What's a caterpillar afraid of?

A dogerpillar (Thank you Laffy Taffy for the worst best joke I've ever heard)

Pho Queue Jokes More Pho Queue Jokes

What do you say when somebody cuts in front of you in line for Vietnamese noodles?

Hey, pho queue, dude

What do you call people waiting in line for Vietnamese soup?

Pho queue.

Plant Jokes More Plant Jokes

Why do they put chicken wire around these plants?

Other guy:" To protect the chicken plants"

How did the florist act after getting her dream job?

Got so excited she wet her plants.

Handle Jokes More Handle Jokes

What did the bacon say to the sandwich?

This club can't even handle me right now

How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to handle the bulb and 4 to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.

Screw Jokes More Screw Jokes

How many sound guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, two... One, two.

Why is it called Justice League of America?

Do they follow territorial boundaries? If the Kaos Kommandos start a brawl in El Paso and it rolls over into Juarez, do they say "screw it, let Justice League of Mexico handle it"? (Sorry if this isn't technically a joke; it was my shower thought this morning and I thought it was funny.)

Change Jokes More Change Jokes

How many McDonald's counter girls does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to put some chips with it.

How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That's a hardware problem.