March Madness Sale - 25% Off

Light Jokes

What is a NYC nanosecond?

If you are stuck at a red light, its the time that it takes for the occupant of the car behind you to honk his horn when the light turns green.

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes
March Madness Sale

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

$14.99 $19.99

How many suh dudes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None 'cause it's already lit, fam.

What did the egg say when it got turned up?

Om-lit

What kind of math can you do with light?

Refractions

What do you call someone who doesn't know how to party?

Illiterate (il-lit-erate)

What's the difference between a guy with carry on luggage and a photon?

The guy overpacked, and the photon is traveling light.

How many Bros does it take to change a lightbulb?

None cuz it's already lit af

How many indie kids does it take to change a lightbulb?

None because There is A Light That Never Goes Out.

Why can't Roman Reigns light a campfire?

Because he doesn't carry any matches!

How many fams does it take to get the sky lit?

Just one sun

What does supervillain Black Man need to do to escape the crime scene?

Turn off all the lights.

Couple's Daily Question Mug
March Madness Sale

Couple's Daily Question Mug

$14.99 $19.99

Who sang the song "my own worst enemy"?

Them: I think it's Lit Me: I mean I like the song but I wouldn't call it lit...

Why do stoners love English?

Because it's lit

What's the difference between light and hard?

You can sleep with a light on.

What are red heads good for?

Lighting fires.

How many heretics does it take to change a lightbulb?

We're not sure, they've yet to see the light.

Why doesn't the sun pack it's bags?

Because it's traveling light!

Which unit describes the intensity of light in South Africa?

Nelson Candela

What happened when fire and the wheel were invented?

People got lit and turnt.

What's Alex's (from 'A Clockwork Orange') preferred type of light?

Ultraviolent

What's the fastest thing in Bulgaria?

Light

Love
March Madness Sale

Love

$5.99

How is Ducktape like the Force?

It has a Dark Side, a Light side and it binds everything the galaxy together. Edit:Duct Tape I know, I was tired

What happens when something travels faster than the speed of light?

Does it matter?

What did the Russian people light their houses with before they started using candles?

Electricity.

How long does it take light to travel from the sun to the earth?

Not nearly as long as it would take to travel around your mom.

What's the difference between hard and light?

I can sleep with a light on.

How does an Australian shave?

Rise up lights

What did Russians used to light their houses with before candles?

Electricity.

What is the most-ignored rule in a convent?

Lights out at nine, candles out at ten.

How many redditors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Who cares, because How Can Light Be Real If Our Eyes Arent Real?

What is the difference between light and hard?

Well, you can sleep with a light on.

Love Card
March Madness Sale

Love Card

$5.99

How many people from Svalbard does it take to change a light-bulb?

Light? What's that?

Why were the Chinese trying to light a bbq grill out in the rain?

Because it was raining cats and dogs.

Why do stop lights turn red?

You would turn red too if you had to change in front of everybody.

What's the deal with lampshades?

If your gonna turn on a light... Why shade it.

How many guys in the friend zone does it take to light a light bulb?

None, they just stand around complimenting it, and get mad when it won't screw.

How many IT support techs does it take to change a lightbulb?

Have you tried turning the light off and back on?

Where does light go when it is convicted of a crime?

Prism

Why are New Yorkers so depressed?

Because the light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey.

What's the main difference between light and hard?

I can go to sleep with a light on

What do you do if the lights in a Chinese food restaurant are too bright?

Dim Sum.

How many bricks do you need to screw in a lightbulb?

Just two, but you're going to need a lot of patience and light bulbs.

How many light bulbs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Light bulb.

Why did the lights go out?

Because they liked each other.

Where do naughty rays of light go?

Prism (Note: I made this joke up. Sorry if this little note refracts from the humour.)

Why did the moth go into the dentist's office?

The light was on.

What happens when the Sun and the Moon get together?

They turn out the lights.

How many Biebers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. There are no light bulbs in the closet. Another one: Why is Justin Bieber so pale? Because there's no light inside the closet

What type of lights were on Noah's Ark?

You'd think it would be floodlights, but in reality it was the Israelites!

What happens when the lights go out in a Chinese restaurant?

It'll Dimsum.

How many people does it take to screw in a light?

Two, but I don't know how they'll fit inside the bulb

Why is it fun to play with matches?

They're lit.

When can you operate?

Lighting a candle* Doctor: When we find you a new liver.

What's the difference between a optimist, a pessimist and a realist?

The optimist sees the light at the end of the tunnel. The pessimist sees nothing. And the realist sees the train.

When last did you get lit?

Me: This morning. It was really sunny so I was well illuminated.

What is 32% black, 45% white......gets lit up and changes to blue and red at night?

Chicago.

What lights up a football stadium?

A football match!

What's faster, the speed of thought or the speed of light?

Neither, it's diarrhea. Before you could think about it or even turn the lights on, you've already shat yourself.

Where does light go to jail?

Prism

What's stronger, fifty watts of sound or fifty watts of light?

I don't care but would you please stop screaming, turning the lights on and off.

What did the Syrians use to light their homes before candles?

A. Electricity.

Why do the police hate teenage fireflies?

They never stop lighting up.

Where can you find the speed of light?

At C level

How did they light their cigarettes?

One man threw a cigarette overboard and the boat became a cigarette lighter.

Why is the UK suddenly a happy place?

Because now they too have a day to light fireworks on!

Why did you stop your car get out and yell "coward" at the traffic signal?

Motorist: The light just turned yellow.

How many Leos does it take to change a lightbulb?

None: Leos are so enthusiastic they carry their own light.

How many political parties does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two, one to change the lightbulb, and the other to bask in the light of the old one.

What did soviet russians use for lighting before they started using candles?

Electricity.

How does a blonde turn the lights on in the morning?

She opens the car door.

Why does a Belgian take a stone and a flashlight to bed?

The stone to throw the lights out, the flashlight to check if the lights are really out

Why did the train get hit by lighting?

Because of the conductor.

How does a New York University psychology major turn on his lights in the morning?

By opening the car door.

What screams, wails, and lights up?

A bus-load of babies on fire.

How did the firefly feel when he flew into the fan?

He was de-lighted

What lights up a soccer stadium?

A soccer match.

What do light and hard have in common?

You can sleep with a light on.

What's grey and lights up?

An electric elephant!

How many boxers does it take to change a light bulb?

One. They're used to having their lights knocked out.That joke turned dark fast. I'll see myself to my respective corner.

How many stoners does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, the room is already lit.

How do you win a late night argument with your deaf wife?

You turn off the lights.

What did the rude prism say to the beam of light that smacked into him?

Get bent!

What does an egg say when he gets turnt?

Om lit cred: my friend DaMexicanBurrito from playstation.

How long has your car been doing that?

Me: Hubs: The engine smoking at a stoplight Me: I dont know, I look at my phone at lights.

Why so?

The light bulb replies, "I'm a light headed!"

Why do sovereign citizens never turn on the lights?

The sound of electricity triggers their PTSD.

What's the Primary Directive in a nunnery (convent)?

Lights out at nine, candles out at ten...

How Many Running Backs Does It Take To Turn On A Light?

Two. One to find the switch...the other to hit it.

How many people at a Music Festival does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Zero, its already lit

Why did the man turn on the lights in a depression clinic?

He wanted to lighten the mood in such a dim atmosphere.

What flies around your light at night and can bite off your head?

A tiger moth!

How many Aquarians does it take to change a lightbulb?

A hundred but they'll all be competing to be the one to change the bulb and bring light to the world.

What sound does it make when you light a stick of dynamite in them middle of a sheep herd?

Ssssssssssss boom! baaaaaaaah!

What do you get when you cross a pig with a canary?

I don't know but when it sits on your electric wire and sings all your lights go out

What did Russians use for light before candles?

Light bulbs

Why does light travel faster than sound?

Because some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Why is the Force like duct tape?

It has a dark side, a light side, and it holds the universe together.

Why did the wrestlers have to fight in the dark?

Their match wouldn't light.

How many survivors of nuclear war does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. People that glow in the dark don't need lights.

Who turns the lights off at Halloween?

The light's witch!

You might also enjoy:

Light Bulb Jokes More Light Bulb Jokes

How many bros does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They prefer Natural Light.

How many atheist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. It will happen itself.

Vaxxer Jokes More Vaxxer Jokes

What's the worst gift to give to an anti-vaxxer?

Blankets.

How many Anti-Vaxxers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

As a mother, I choose not to screw it in. Light bulbs are dangerous weapons created by the Soviet Union, and I will not screw it in; it could severely hurt my child. As everyone knows, light bulbs are the principle source of autism in this world, and I have to take a stand on it.

Complain Jokes More Complain Jokes

How does a woman fix a ceiling problem?

She complains to a man.

What did the doctor say to the lizard who was complaining about problems performing in the bedroom?

It sounds like you have a reptile dysfunction.

Horn Jokes More Horn Jokes

What do you call a reuben sandwich with a horn?

A rye-nocerous

Why does a cow need a bell?

Because its horn doesn't work.

Stick Jokes More Stick Jokes

What do you call a book club that has been stuck on the same book for thousands of years?

Church.

What workout routine did Jesus stick to best?

Crossfit

Mother Jokes More Mother Jokes

What is Britain's most popular newspaper amongst breastfeeding mothers?

The Daily Express.

What does a baby mouse say to its mother after seeing a bat?

Look mom, an angel!

Inherit Jokes More Inherit Jokes

Why did prince Oxygen inherit the throne after the king died?

Because he was the rightful heir

What kind of degree do you inherit through marriage?

A degree in law.

Occupant Jokes More Occupant Jokes

What was the Italian hot tub that was so small it's occupants always bumped into each other called?

Ja-scusi.

What is a NYC nanosecond?

If you are stuck at a red light, its the time that it takes for the occupant of the car behind you to honk his horn when the light turns green.