Nyc Jokes

What is a NYC nanosecond?

If you are stuck at a red light, its the time that it takes for the occupant of the car behind you to honk his horn when the light turns green.

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What do you call an earthquake in NYC?

Harlem Shake.

How many square feet are in the average NYC apartment?

Zero. Feet are feet shaped.

What's the difference between a yellow cab and a green cab in NYC?

The green cabs haven't ripened yet.

What do you call a bike in NYC that has been standing out in the sun for hours?

Tire-less

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Stick Jokes More Stick Jokes

What do you call a pig stuck in a topiary?

A hedgehog.

How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!

Sun Jokes More Sun Jokes

Why does the sun set at night?

The moon scares the daylights out of it!

Which one is closer, Sun or Africa?

Teacher: Which one is closer, Sun or Africa Johnny: Sun Teacher: Why Johnny: We can see the sun all the time, but can't see Africa.

Car Jokes More Car Jokes

Why should you slow down to let another car move into your lane?

Good karma.

What does Joaquin Phoenix say when a car almost hits him?

Hey! I'm Joaquin here!

Foot Jokes More Foot Jokes

How tall is Luke Skywalker?

Six foot force

Why did the ghoul knit herself three socks?

Because she grew another foot.

Earthquake Jokes More Earthquake Jokes

What did one earthquake say to the other earthquake?

I've been really stressed out lately, I know it's not your fault, but please stop cracking jokes about me

What did one tectonic plate say to the other after the earthquake?

That was your fault!!!

Occupant Jokes More Occupant Jokes

What is a NYC nanosecond?

If you are stuck at a red light, its the time that it takes for the occupant of the car behind you to honk his horn when the light turns green.

What was the Italian hot tub that was so small it's occupants always bumped into each other called?

Ja-scusi.

Turn Jokes More Turn Jokes

What does a Bills fan do when they win the superbowl?

He turns off his xbox.

Where is the water main?

So I turned on the tap & said, "Right here, main."

Ripen Jokes More Ripen Jokes

What's the difference between a yellow cab and a green cab in NYC?

The green cabs haven't ripened yet.

What do you do with a green monster?

Put it in the sun until it ripens!