March Madness Sale - 25% Off

How'd you sleep last night?

Son says: "umm... With my eyes closed " Edit: This actually happened btw. Probably funnier irl.

Previous Random Joke Next
Happen Jokes More Happen Jokes

What happened to the dog that fell into a lens-grinding machine?

He made a spectacle of himself.

How do you make a duck into a soul singer?

Put it in the oven at three fifty tree fiddy until it's Bill Withers. Edit:summoning happened.

Sleep Jokes More Sleep Jokes

What's a poor person favorite meal?

Sleep.

What happened when the Orange slept with the skanky Lemon?

He got Lemonaids.

Close Jokes More Close Jokes

What movie did they go to see?

Closed for Winter".

How many cafeteria staff does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry we closed 18 seconds ago and I've just cashed up.

Son Jokes More Son Jokes

What is the difference between Napoleon and his son?

One is a Bonaparte from the other.

Why did the orange go to the doctor?

Because she wasn't peeling very well... All credit to my 8 yo son who suggested I post it here

Edit Jokes More Edit Jokes

Why should you distrust atoms?

Because they make up an awful lot of stuff. EDIT: Because I forgot about neutrinos.

What happened after the King of All Cosmos destroyed the stars in a drunken rage?

Divine intervention. edit: Oh.

Eye Jokes More Eye Jokes

How do you get herpes viral infection of the eye?

Looking for love in all the wrong places.

How do you stop an elephant going through the eye of a needle?

By tying a knot on its tail.

Night Jokes More Night Jokes

Why do brunettes know so many blonde jokes?

Gives 'em something to do on Saturday night!

Why is the robot good at one night stands?

Because he nuts and bolts.