How'd you sleep last night?

Son says: "umm... With my eyes closed " Edit: This actually happened btw. Probably funnier irl.

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Happen Jokes More Happen Jokes

What happens when something travels faster than the speed of light?

Does it matter?

What happened when the Eskimo teens went clubbing?

They got new fur coats.

Sleep Jokes More Sleep Jokes

What should you do if you find a 500-pound dog asleep on your bed?

Sleep on the sofa.

How long does 8 sleep for?

Forever.

Close Jokes More Close Jokes

Why do hunters close one eye when they aim?

Because they can't see if they close both.

How do you hide an elephant in a fridge?

You remove his slippers and open the door. You put him inside. You close the door and take the slippers away.

Son Jokes More Son Jokes

What did the overbearing mother melon say to her son and his girlfriend?

You Cantaloupe.

What did the Mexican firefighter call his two sons?

Jos and Hose-B

Edit Jokes More Edit Jokes

What's the difference between a saxophone and an onion?

You don't cry when you cut up a saxophone. Happy Saxophone Day Why this musical abomination deserves its own day is beyond me. Edit: beside to beyond

Why did Rodney Dangerfield always make such unbalanced RPG characters?

He never got no respec. *edited to make grammar worse

Eye Jokes More Eye Jokes

Where's the cake?

Mom of kid: We don't believe in sugar. Me: I promise it's real. I've seen it with my own eyes.

Why don't you tell secrets in a garden?

Because the corn have ears, the potatos have eyes and the beanstalk.

Night Jokes More Night Jokes

What animal has more lives than a cat?

A frog. It croaks every night.

What did the polygamist horse get on his wedding night?

A double bridle