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What should you do if you find a 500-pound dog asleep on your bed?

Sleep on the sofa.

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Bed Jokes More Bed Jokes

Why did the Italian get thrown out of the hotel?

He said "I wanna two sheet onna the bed".

How do you stop black kids from jumping on the bed?

Put velcro on the ceiling.

Find Jokes More Find Jokes

Why can't you try someone for grave digging?

Because it was found on the ground.

What's worse than finding your dad's fleshlight?

Finding his blacklight.

Sleep Jokes More Sleep Jokes

What did the silly boy take his bicycle to bed with him?

Because he didn't want to walk in his sleep.

Why couldn't the guy with insomnia have an affair with anyone's wife?

Because he couldn't sleep with anyone.

Sofa Jokes More Sofa Jokes

Why is a sofa like a roast chicken?

Because they're both full of stuffing!

Why did the woman turn to her husband and say "now who the hell would dump such a nice sofa out here in the woods?

She was looking at a bear and thought it was a sofa due to the four legs.

500 Pound Jokes More 500 Pound Jokes

What should you do if you find a 500-pound dog asleep on your bed?

Sleep on the sofa.

What does a 500 pound parakeet say?

TWEET!!!