What should you do if you find a 500-pound dog asleep on your bed?

Sleep on the sofa.

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Bed Jokes More Bed Jokes

Why did Jimmy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept for.

Which place has the strongest gravity in the whole universe?

Bed

Find Jokes More Find Jokes

What did the NFL Commissioner say when Adele turned down the Superbowl Halftime Show?

Never mind, I'll find someone like you

Where do you find an enlightened mosquito?

In Bhuddapest

Sleep Jokes More Sleep Jokes

How'd you sleep last night?

Son says: "umm... With my eyes closed " Edit: This actually happened btw. Probably funnier irl.

Why did the man run around his bed?

Because he was trying to catch up on his sleep!

Sofa Jokes More Sofa Jokes

What do you get if you cross a cow a French fry and a sofa?

A cowch potato!

Why couldn't the Buddha hoover under the sofa?

Because he had no attachments

500 Pound Jokes More 500 Pound Jokes

What should you do if you find a 500-pound dog asleep on your bed?

Sleep on the sofa.

What does a 500 pound parakeet say?

TWEET!!!