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Remember Jokes

What is the most effective way to remember your wifes birthday?

Forget it once.

I Love Pizza & You
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I Love Pizza & You

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What do Tempurpedic mattresses and raptors have in common?

They remember

How does a black mother tell her children apart?

She remembers them by their last names.

What's the difference between amnesia and alzheimers?

I can't remember.

Who remembers the 2016 presidential race?

Nobody expected that late run from Gonzalez, did they?

What did Bruce Willis say to motivate his son?

Son, if at first you don't succeed, Try Hard. If that doesn't work, Try Hard 2. If that still doesn't work, Try Hard with a Vengeance. Remember, you can't pick between the choice to Live Free or Try Hard. They go together. Everyday's A Good Day to Try Hard.

Why are blonde jokes so short?

So men can remember them!

How could I forget, mate?

At an Australian parliament meeting, two guys were shouting back and forth and one said: "I am a country member!" and the other said: "Oh, I remember!"

How many more times will I watch "A Walk To Remember" tonight?

As Mandy Moore times as I want to.

Why do bees hum?

Because they can't remember the lyrics

What did gangster Pooh said to gangster Tigger?

Tigga please!" Sorry, I heard it years ago. I don't remember where or when but I've just been saying alot lately.

Your Age Is Only Math
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Your Age Is Only Math

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What is the definition of a Freudian slip?

When you say one thing and mean a mother. Don't remember where I heard it. Haven't read it here yet.

What do you call a thirsty cow?

A watermeloin.. Don't worry, I remember where the door is.

What part does Woody Harrelson want to be remembered for most?

Harrelson's woodie.

Why did the train go left?

Cause it couldn't get on the right track. I made that joke when I was little and remembered it today, might as well post it.

How did the hippie remember the number of wives he had?

He counted 1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi, 3 Mississippi, 4 Mississippi...

What is the best gift you can give your girlfriend for your anniversary?

Nothing. It's a gift she will always remember. Edit: Wording clarified (Thanks to therinnovator).

What's a hard drive's favorite band?

Data Remember

Why do people with no arms have difficulty remembering?

Because they can't put their finger on it.

What is the best anti-joke you know?

Well a joke that isn't funny, but still is because it isn't. If you know what I mean. These are kind of much easier to remember.

Whats th first joke you remember hearing or that you told as a kid?

Mine is: What is the white stuff in bird poop? (That is also bird poop.) edit: til you can't edit the topic to fix spelling errors...

We've Got This Love Thing Down
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We've Got This Love Thing Down

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Why can't Abraham Lincoln remember the Gettysburg Address?

Because he's dead.

How do narcissists remember everything?

They have a photogenic memory.

What did you learn in kindergarten today?

5-year-old: A doughnut would help me remember. Apparently she learned bribery.

How'd you get amnesia?

4yo:.. Me:.. 4yo: I don't remember. Me: Well played..

What's 12 inches long, stiff, full of sperm and can make a girl scream?

The sock under my bed. (I don't remember where I heard it. Can't claim ownership.)

Who's there! Amaso! Amaso who?

Amaso sorry you don't remember me!

How does Santa Claus remember which chimneys he's been down?

He keeps a log

What are the symptoms of amnesia?

I can't remember

Why Would Clint Eastwood be Bad at Restructuring a Business?

He can't remember if he fired 5 or 6.

Why are blond jokes so short?

So men can remember them.

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes
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I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

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What's the best way to get a man to remember your anniversary?

Get married on his birthday.

What is an out of date joke you still remember?

One from the 90's: What do you call a little burro A Burrito. What do you call a little taco A Taquito What do you call a little judge A Judge Ito

What does Imperator Furiosa like to click when she logs into a website?

REMEMBER ME!!!!!!!!!!

How does a composer remember which groceries to buy?

She writes a Chopin Liszt.

How did God make Himself?

I have to remember to start getting high before bedtime.

Why do elephants and stoners get along so well?

Uh.. I don't remember..

Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?

Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

How do you get your stomach pumped?

Swallow a speaker playing "Remember the Name"

How does someone with amnesia tell a joke?

I don't remember.

Why do the elephants have short tails?

Because they can't remember long stories!

Which did you pick?

ME: I can't remember.

What do you call a Mustard that keeps remembering things that haven't happened yet?

Dijon-vu mustard... (Sorry)

What do you need to have to do the dishes when you don't want to?

Dishcipline This is literally a joke I told in a dream and I remembered it when waking up.

What did you choose?

Guy: I don't remember.

What did the pirate with a steering wheel in his pants say when he couldn't remember why it was there?

Arrrh, it's driving me nuts

What happens when a woman can't remember her mastectomy?

Mammary loss &ampnbsp I made this up myself!

How can you tell a dog from an elephant?

The elephant remembers.

How do you remember your wedding anniversary?

Forget it once.

Who'd win if Batman fought Santa?

Before u say Batman, just remember who's watching you answer.

What do old people with Alzheimer's often say?

I don't remember.

What bleeds once a month in the mouth?

Me, when I remember to floss once a month. Edit: account got hacked and showed something different. Sorry about that

What do you call a bird who never remembers song lyrics?

A hummingbird

Why has no one invented a device where I can move myself around from place to place while lying in a hammock?

I remember when we used to make stuff in this lazy country!

When my laptop asks "Are you sure?

It's because it still remembers all of the other bad decisions I have made.

What to you get if you cross a parrot with an elephant?

An animal that tells you everything that it remembers!

What sort of a car has your dad got?

I can't remember the name. I think it starts with T. Really - Ours only starts with gas.

Why did the chicken cross the road to get to the other side?

Ah wait, i can't remember the rest

How do pianists remember which groceries to buy?

They use a Chopin Liszt!

What is the recipe for honeymoon salad?

Lettuce alone, without dressing. I remembered this today from a joke book I had when I was a kid. Wasn't sure if it should be here or /r/dadjokes

What's it called when you remember a good meme?

A Memento

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Man Jokes More Man Jokes

Why are men the best chefs?

Because with only 2 nuts, one sausage, and a little bit of milk, they can fill a woman's stomach for 9 months.

What did the police officer say to the man who was urinating publicly?

Urine trouble, mate!

Joke Jokes More Joke Jokes

What's a sharks favorite game?

Swallow the leader. *This joke has been brought to you by my 8 year old's math homework.*

How can you tell when a white guy is about to tell a joke?

He glances over his shoulder.

1 Jokes More 1 Jokes

What are the two main differences between a Chihuahua and a German shepherd?

1. Spelling 2. Pronunciation

Why did they release Star Wars 4, 5 & 6 before 1, 2 & 3?

Because off sequence, Yoda was.

Guy Jokes More Guy Jokes

How do you know if a guy has an Asian wife?

He'll tell you.

What does a guy with 2 right feet wear to the beach?

Flop-Flops

Type Jokes More Type Jokes

What did one diabetic say to the other diabetic, on their blind date?

I'm sorry, but you're just not my type.

What type of weed are you allowed to smoke during Ramadan?

Tajweed

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between David Lee Roth and Snoop Lion?

David Lee Roth was in Van Halen Snoop Lion was in a van in halen

What's the difference between a biscuit and a monster?

You can dip a biscuit in your tea but a monster is too big to fit in the cup.

Amnesia Jokes More Amnesia Jokes

How does someone with amnesia tell a joke?

I don't remember.

How'd you get amnesia?

4yo:.. Me:.. 4yo: I don't remember. Me: Well played..

Expect Jokes More Expect Jokes

What do you call someone who keeps trying the same thing again and again, yet expects different results?

A weapons designer for the First Order.

What if you go missing?

How do you expect us to find you if you look like Beyonce on Facebook.