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Remember Jokes

What is the most effective way to remember your wifes birthday?

Forget it once.

Love

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Love

What do Tempurpedic mattresses and raptors have in common?

They remember

How does a black mother tell her children apart?

She remembers them by their last names.

What's the difference between amnesia and alzheimers?

I can't remember.

Who remembers the 2016 presidential race?

Nobody expected that late run from Gonzalez, did they?

What did Bruce Willis say to motivate his son?

Son, if at first you don't succeed, Try Hard. If that doesn't work, Try Hard 2. If that still doesn't work, Try Hard with a Vengeance. Remember, you can't pick between the choice to Live Free or Try Hard. They go together. Everyday's A Good Day to Try Hard.

Why are blonde jokes so short?

So men can remember them!

How could I forget, mate?

At an Australian parliament meeting, two guys were shouting back and forth and one said: "I am a country member!" and the other said: "Oh, I remember!"

How many more times will I watch "A Walk To Remember" tonight?

As Mandy Moore times as I want to.

Why do bees hum?

Because they can't remember the lyrics

What did gangster Pooh said to gangster Tigger?

Tigga please!" Sorry, I heard it years ago. I don't remember where or when but I've just been saying alot lately.

Love Card

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Love Card

What is the definition of a Freudian slip?

When you say one thing and mean a mother. Don't remember where I heard it. Haven't read it here yet.

What do you call a thirsty cow?

A watermeloin.. Don't worry, I remember where the door is.

What part does Woody Harrelson want to be remembered for most?

Harrelson's woodie.

Why did the train go left?

Cause it couldn't get on the right track. I made that joke when I was little and remembered it today, might as well post it.

How did the hippie remember the number of wives he had?

He counted 1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi, 3 Mississippi, 4 Mississippi...

What is the best gift you can give your girlfriend for your anniversary?

Nothing. It's a gift she will always remember. Edit: Wording clarified (Thanks to therinnovator).

What's a hard drive's favorite band?

Data Remember

Why do people with no arms have difficulty remembering?

Because they can't put their finger on it.

What is the best anti-joke you know?

Well a joke that isn't funny, but still is because it isn't. If you know what I mean. These are kind of much easier to remember.

Whats th first joke you remember hearing or that you told as a kid?

Mine is: What is the white stuff in bird poop? (That is also bird poop.) edit: til you can't edit the topic to fix spelling errors...

I Love Pizza & You

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I Love Pizza & You

Why can't Abraham Lincoln remember the Gettysburg Address?

Because he's dead.

How do narcissists remember everything?

They have a photogenic memory.

What did you learn in kindergarten today?

5-year-old: A doughnut would help me remember. Apparently she learned bribery.

How'd you get amnesia?

4yo:.. Me:.. 4yo: I don't remember. Me: Well played..

What's 12 inches long, stiff, full of sperm and can make a girl scream?

The sock under my bed. (I don't remember where I heard it. Can't claim ownership.)

Who's there! Amaso! Amaso who?

Amaso sorry you don't remember me!

How does Santa Claus remember which chimneys he's been down?

He keeps a log

What are the symptoms of amnesia?

I can't remember

Why Would Clint Eastwood be Bad at Restructuring a Business?

He can't remember if he fired 5 or 6.

Why are blond jokes so short?

So men can remember them.

$Your Age Is Only Math$

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Your Age Is Only Math

What's the best way to get a man to remember your anniversary?

Get married on his birthday.

What is an out of date joke you still remember?

One from the 90's: What do you call a little burro A Burrito. What do you call a little taco A Taquito What do you call a little judge A Judge Ito

What does Imperator Furiosa like to click when she logs into a website?

REMEMBER ME!!!!!!!!!!

How does a composer remember which groceries to buy?

She writes a Chopin Liszt.

How did God make Himself?

I have to remember to start getting high before bedtime.

Why do elephants and stoners get along so well?

Uh.. I don't remember..

Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?

Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

How do you get your stomach pumped?

Swallow a speaker playing "Remember the Name"

How does someone with amnesia tell a joke?

I don't remember.

Why do the elephants have short tails?

Because they can't remember long stories!

Which did you pick?

ME: I can't remember.

What do you call a Mustard that keeps remembering things that haven't happened yet?

Dijon-vu mustard... (Sorry)

What do you need to have to do the dishes when you don't want to?

Dishcipline This is literally a joke I told in a dream and I remembered it when waking up.

What did you choose?

Guy: I don't remember.

What did the pirate with a steering wheel in his pants say when he couldn't remember why it was there?

Arrrh, it's driving me nuts

What happens when a woman can't remember her mastectomy?

Mammary loss &ampnbsp I made this up myself!

How can you tell a dog from an elephant?

The elephant remembers.

How do you remember your wedding anniversary?

Forget it once.

Who'd win if Batman fought Santa?

Before u say Batman, just remember who's watching you answer.

What do old people with Alzheimer's often say?

I don't remember.

What bleeds once a month in the mouth?

Me, when I remember to floss once a month. Edit: account got hacked and showed something different. Sorry about that

What do you call a bird who never remembers song lyrics?

A hummingbird

Why has no one invented a device where I can move myself around from place to place while lying in a hammock?

I remember when we used to make stuff in this lazy country!

When my laptop asks "Are you sure?

It's because it still remembers all of the other bad decisions I have made.

What to you get if you cross a parrot with an elephant?

An animal that tells you everything that it remembers!

What sort of a car has your dad got?

I can't remember the name. I think it starts with T. Really - Ours only starts with gas.

Why did the chicken cross the road to get to the other side?

Ah wait, i can't remember the rest

How do pianists remember which groceries to buy?

They use a Chopin Liszt!

What is the recipe for honeymoon salad?

Lettuce alone, without dressing. I remembered this today from a joke book I had when I was a kid. Wasn't sure if it should be here or /r/dadjokes

What's it called when you remember a good meme?

A Memento

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Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between a bucket of sand and a bucket of afterbirth?

You can't gargle with the sand.

How can U make a difference?

Good Mourning! *(this pun is baaad and I feel terrible about it)*

Dirty Joke Jokes More Dirty Joke Jokes

What kind of soap do you use to clean a dirty joke?

Bawdy wash.

What would she do for $20?

Wasn't there a joke before posted about asking what a girl would do for $20 or something A dirty joke I'm trying to find it but I can't....

Forget Jokes More Forget Jokes

Why is PTSD like riding a bike?

You never forget

What did the Iraqi boy say when his dad forgot his rucksack?

Baghdad!

Pick Jokes More Pick Jokes

Why are ska bands so clean?

They always pick it up pick it up pick it up.

How long is the movie?

I need to know what time to pick her up.

Succeed Jokes More Succeed Jokes

What did the sausage say when it couldn't log on to the Internet?

If at first you don't succeed Fry Fry again

What did the ruthless businessman say to his employees?

If at first you don't succeed - you're fired!

Lightbulb Jokes More Lightbulb Jokes

How did the hipster burn his fingertips?

He was changing the lightbulb before it was cool. rimshot

How many 2nd trumpets does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. They can't get that high! (My band teacher told me that one today)

Blonde Joke Jokes More Blonde Joke Jokes

Why are blonde jokes so short?

So men can remember them!

What's so dark about blonde jokes?

They still haven't figured out how to screw in the lightbulb

Hard Jokes More Hard Jokes

What is the hardest part about sleeping with twenty one year olds?

There is twenty of them

What is the hardest part of twerking?

Being black