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Why can't Abraham Lincoln remember the Gettysburg Address?

Because he's dead.

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Who remembers the 2016 presidential race?

Nobody expected that late run from Gonzalez, did they?

What did you learn in kindergarten today?

5-year-old: A doughnut would help me remember. Apparently she learned bribery.

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What do Abraham Lincoln and Peyton Manning have in common?

Neither can finish a play.

Which American President was least guilty?

Abraham Lincoln. He was in a cent.