Why can't Abraham Lincoln remember the Gettysburg Address?

Because he's dead.

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Why do elephants and stoners get along so well?

Uh.. I don't remember..

How do you get your stomach pumped?

Swallow a speaker playing "Remember the Name"

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What would a depressed Abraham Lincoln do?

Slit the writ of habeas corpus.

Which American President was least guilty?

Abraham Lincoln. He was in a cent.