Joke Jokes

Oranges have thick skin. Let the downvotes fly, people! You've only got one! Edit: Did not expect this joke to get this good of a reception. Thanks, guys!

What's long, hard and bendable and contains the letters p, e, n, i, s?

Your spine.

What do you call a day when all jokes on this sub are re-posts?

EVERYDAY!!

Why does the Pope keep his underwear on while bathing?

Because he doesn't like looking down on the unemployed. First to ever post this joke here, yay!

What's the difference between your dad and this joke?

This joke will be back someday

Why can't a terrorist tell a joke?

They always bomb the punchline!

What's the difference between a kid and a joke?

A kid can joke but a joke cannot kid.

What's the creepiest body of water?

Lake Eerie. Note: This joke has probably been made before.

What's the worst thing you can do when posting a joke?

Accidentally hit submit before you

Why are setups to jokes so important?

Because seven ate nine.

Why do SJWs hate Pong?

It's a wildly successful game that only has straight, white main characters (I stole this joke from somewhere but am not allowed to say where)

What form of humor is nonexistent in black culture?

Dad jokes

What's the definition of "de javu"?

Jokes on

How do we know there are so many environmentalists on reddit?

A. Because everyone keep recycling the same jokes

What do you call an octopus that loves jokes?

A knock-knocktopus.

Whats the difference between a shower thought and a joke?

I don't know you tell me.

Why didn't the melons get married in Vegas?

Because they cantaloupe. This joke was brought to you by Dads inc.

What kind of farm has lots of books but no livestock?

Barns and no-bulls. (This joke was made up by my 7 year-old cousin.)

How do you know a joke is a repost?

It's on the front page

Why am I just so naturally funny?

Because my life is a joke. Dont worry Im not scuicidal

What do you call a joke on drugs?

Highlarious

What is a better name for cows?

Lawn mooers! My 12 year old sister made this up... She out dad joked me..and I'm a dad!

Why do you need to take notes during jokes?

Joke was supposed to be this: Why do you need to take notes during church? because the peoples of noah's day, "took no note".

Why did Bernie Sanders cross the road?

He didn't, he was distributed evenly on both sides. Bernie supporters, please don't downvote me to hell, it's just a joke

What's the difference between a joke on Reddit and a joke on 9Gag?

About a day.

What did the fish say when it crashed into a wall?

Damn! (This is my go-to joke that someone told me in highschool like 7 years ago. Felt like sharing it.)

Why is it never safe to tell a joke about corn?

A corn has ears.

What planet smells the worst?

Poopiter. This joke courtesy of my 7 year old son. He was very proud of it.

What do STDs and jokes have in common?

They're both easily spread.

Where do Robots go for fun?

The Circuits! (this is a joke i made up when i was like 10, i don't think it ever caught on)

What's the difference between an infinite line and an infinitely large circle?

There is no difference. The joke is you just learned math.

What's the difference between Batman's parents and jokes about Batman's parents?

Jokes about Batman's parents can get old.

Why did the pregnant woman love to tell jokes?

Because she had a pun in the oven!

Why do cows wear bells around their necks?

Because their horns don't work 8 year old brother just told me this joke, thought it belonged here

Why can't Bernie Sanders win the election?

Because 12 year olds can't vote. Edit: I'm actually somewhat of a Bernie supporter, I'm just joking about how he has a lot of youth backing him.

What do you call a person with no skin?

Dead. Another anti-joke by the fabulous me. Surprisingly, nobody has down voted the first one yet.

What's the difference between blue paint and red paint?

The color. Yes, this is an anti-joke. Downvote please.

What falls faster from a tree, a leaf or an Emo?

The leaf, the Emo is too depressed to go outside. I saw this joke reposted so many times. I figured I'd mix it up a bit.

What's the most important part about telling a joke?

Your PUN-unciation

What's the best things about Anti-Jokes?

They have a large following!

What do they say for jokes about German sausages?

They are the wurst.

Why should you not tell jokes to sand paper?

It's a rough crowd...Ba da bum chssh

Why was the ink happy?

Because it had its in-de-pen-dance. I'm posting lots of really bad jokes tonight that just appear in my head, if just one person enjoys just one joke is worth it, good evening.

What did the terrorist say to the racist and the socialist?

We are the 2016 presidential candidate frontrunners. This is a joke take it that way

What song does Freddy Krueger listen to when he gets a manicure?

I got Kniiiiiives on it! that inspired the joke.

What did Journey say to the critic as he stormed out of their concert?

Don't stop! Be leaving!" Just a joke I thought up the other day.

Which joke is better?

How many tickles does it take to tickle an octopus? Ten tickles. How many tickles does it take to tickle an octopus? Ten tickles.

What kind of joke do peeping Toms like?

In-ya-window

What is your best sushi-related joke or pun?

My dad and I are going out for sushi tonight, and he has rescheduled this dinner with me several times for dumb reasons (one night was because he randomly decided to go out drinking instead). Would love to get my revenge by making sushi puns and jokes all night, but Google is failing me--I've only been able to find jokes that either make no sense, or are just not funny at all. Help!

What do people with memory loss and posters on r/jokes have in common?

They both say the same jokes over and over again.

What type of jokes do Sikhs hate?

Puns

Why should you never mention the number 288?

Because it's two gross! (A gross is a measurement unit for "144". So 2 * 144 = 288. Or "two gross".)

Why are there no knock knock jokes about America?

Because freedom rings.

Who is the best Podracer in Star Wars?

Michael Chewbacca EDIT: Some people don't get the joke..... Michael schumacher is a F1 race car driving legend.

What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?

You're too young to smoke. Sorry, it's the first joke I ever learned, and I haven't ever seen it posted.

Why did the Chinese Government cross the road?

THE PUNCHLINE OF THIS JOKE HAS BEEN CENSORED BY THE GOVERNMENT OF THE PEOPLES REPUBLIC OF CHINA, PLEASE REMAIN CALM WHILE WE WILL DEAL WITH THE OP IN A CIVIL MANNER.

Why was the monkey attracted to the paint?

Cuz it was yellow and appealing! Sorry if this is bad. Seen too many of the same jokes here and I wanted to add an original joke.

What's better than a joke on /r/Jokes?

The inevitable comment from

How many redditors does it take to post a joke to /r/Jokes?

Three. One to post it, another to post a better punchline in the comment section, and another to repost it with the new punchline.

What do you call an unconscious foot?

Coma-toes! (I made up this joke when I was 10.)

Which joke has the maximum HOT Nuns in it?

You don't know none.. And here to learn one.. So when you are with your friends.. Or walking with your son.. Tell them reddit jokes.. thinking now they would listen... (to you) play it cool, play it slow.. No need to blow.. Take this further, take this far.. till sang by a star. (Improvise it as you like, don't care about the grammar. No rapper does.)

How can you tell when Halloween is coming too soon?

The sight of premature Ejack-o-lanterns in the neighborhood. I'm a Dad so this joke is OK

What's the tallest building in the world?

A library, because there are so many stories. (Did Not Make Up this Joke)

What is Facebook?

Its a Place where Boy posts a JOKE and Gets no Response & If a Girl Posts the same JOKE, She gets Hundreds of likes, comments and Friend Requests and Lots of PM's.

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Joke Jokes

How do police informants begin their jokes?

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

Why do I not laugh at your jokes anymore?

What dies a little, when explained about?

How did Henry VIIIs wife enter the room?

Why didnt Spock make a record of their voyage?

Why did ISIS leader bring a car-door to the desert?

What do you call a joke that gets posted over and over again on reddit?

What do you call a joke that is based on a misunderstanding?

What joke never gets old?

What do you call a joke with no punchline?

What do you say when somebody else has ruined your joke?

Your Age Is Only Math

What was the first joke ever written?

What is the most essential part of any joke?

What kind of jokes does a zombie make?

What do r/jokes and my dads jokes have in common?

What types of jokes grow on you?

What did the painter say to the paint can?

When jokes go to parties, where do they wait for drinks?

Which profession has the worst sense of humour?

How many /r/Jokes users does it take to make a Joke?

What's the best thing about banging 28 year olds?

We've Got This Love Thing Down

Whats a Joke with no Punchline?

Why are the twin towers and genders so similar?

Why can't you tell jokes to kleptomaniacs?

What does the internet need to take when its constipated?

Why was Joe disappointed when he read the newspaper in Washington?

How do you ruin a joke?

What has an R at the beginning, a T at the end, and EPOS in the middle?

Why I don't joke about politicians?

What happened to the joke that insulted the mods?

What's faster than Usain Bolt?

Love

What do you call a joke with the wrong punchline?

What does a fencing Redditor always do with their jokes?

Why can't your jokes ever make NRA members laugh?

How many "a man walks into a bar" jokes does it take to change a lightbulb?

How do you know a white person is about to tell a joke?

What's the difference between Donald and a piece of fruit?