Why should you never mention the number 288?

Because it's two gross! (A gross is a measurement unit for "144". So 2 * 144 = 288. Or "two gross".)

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How do you keep someone curious?

I'll tell you on my next post

How do you confuse an irishman?

Lean 3 shovels against the wall and tell him to take his pick.

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Why can't your jokes ever make NRA members laugh?

Because jokes don't make people laugh, people make people laugh.

Why are jokes in base 8 not funny?

Because 7,10,11!

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What's the number for poison control?

Dancing With the Stars is on and I need to make sure this will be enough.

Which country has the most number of bacteria, viruses, fungus and other micro-organisms?

GerMany

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What would Santa Claus be called if he had no hands?

Canta Plaus.

What do you get when you buy a $5 umbrella?

Wet.

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How are 4chan and Tumblr alike?

They usually announce a trigger warning before mentioning a school shooting

How many mice does it take to screw in a light-bulb?

None. Mice can't change light-bulbs as they are mere rodents without the physical or mental ability to do so. Not to mention it's much safer for them to pilfer food in the dark.