Why has no one invented a device where I can move myself around from place to place while lying in a hammock?

I remember when we used to make stuff in this lazy country!

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Use Jokes More Use Jokes

Why did the pet owner get upset with his parrot?

Because he was using too much fowl language

What type of currency do people use in outer space?

STARbucks.

Lie Jokes More Lie Jokes

What do you want for your birthday?

Me: You could get me a "world's best dad" mug. 4: You told me not to lie.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs lying under a pile of leaves?

Russel.

Stuff Jokes More Stuff Jokes

What does a taxidermist do for a living?

Oh you know... stuff...

How many kittens can you stuff into a microwave for 15 minutes on defrost...?

SEVEN.

Remember Jokes More Remember Jokes

What's 12 inches long, stiff, full of sperm and can make a girl scream?

The sock under my bed. (I don't remember where I heard it. Can't claim ownership.)

Why has no one invented a device where I can move myself around from place to place while lying in a hammock?

I remember when we used to make stuff in this lazy country!

Place Jokes More Place Jokes

What did the physicist say to the two women he was trying to pick up at the bar?

Do you ladies wanna go back to my place and conduct a double slit experiment?

What do Steve Harvey and a dentist have in common?

They're both experts at placing temporary crowns.

Invent Jokes More Invent Jokes

Who invented schools and teaching?

Ed. U. Cation!

Why did Levi invent such nice trousers?

Because he had good genes.

Device Jokes More Device Jokes

What did one device say to the other?

Are you syncing what I"m syncing

What device did Jared Fogle use to keep track of his exercise progresswhen he lost over 200 pounds on the Subway diet?

A pedometer