Stuff Jokes

Why did the teddy bear leave the restaurant?

He was stuffed.

Everyday Deserves a Joke

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Why don't you buy drugs from an Emo?

Their stuff is always cut.

What do you call stuffing an orifice with chilies?

Jalapenetration.

How is working in I.T. like being a wizard?

You command vast powers beyond the scope of smaller minds, but to them all you do is wiggle your fingers and stuff just happens.

Where does Wonder Woman buy all her stuff?

Amazon.

What's it called when you go around looking for stuff to buy that's made in America?

Antiquing.

Why did Plato's worst student always have stuff stuck in his teeth?

He didn't understand Flossophy!

How many kittens can you stuff into a microwave for 15 minutes on defrost...?

SEVEN.

Why didn't the scarecrow want dessert?

Because he was stuffed!

What do you call a dog that goes through your stuff?

Snoop dog.

What do you call Bruce Lee stuffed in a shell?

A crustacean

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What did the scarecrow say when the farmer asked him in for dinner?

No thanks, I'm stuffed.

Why did a man's pet vulture not make a sound for five years?

It was stuffed.

Who is never hungry at Christmas?

The turkey - he's always stuffed!

How do you know if a blonde has been sending e-mail?

You see a bunch of envelopes stuffed into the disk drive.

Why does the bad guy always have to know some form of martial art?

Why cant they just throw stuff while screaming "stay away from me!"

How do you know Bernie Sanders got elected?

All your stuff has been donated to charity

How is the Easter Bunny like Shaquille O'Neal?

They're both famous for stuffing baskets!

What's a moo hoo for a stuffed steer?

A full bull!

Why won't the machines just take over already?

I'm tired of doing stuff.

Why do robbers steal money?

Me: So they can buy stuff. 4: Why don't they just steal the stuff She's a criminal mastermind.

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

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What's the Turkish version of court packing?

Turkey stuffing

Why do you never see a Teddy bear ordering dessert?

Cus they are always stuffed.

Why couldn't the teddy bear smell?

Because his nose was stuffed

Why is a sofa like a roast chicken?

Because they're both full of stuffing!

What happens when you die?

Me: You go to heaven. 4: No, I mean when you die, do I get your stuff

What did the teddy bear say after dinner?

I'm stuffed.

What did one teddy bear say to the other teddy bear when he offered him some dessert?

No thanks, I'm stuffed.

What do you get if you stuff your computer's disk drive with herbs?

A thyme machine.

What did the city worker say after his first ever pony trek?

I never knew anything stuffed with hay could be so hard!

When faced with a challenging situation I calmly ask myself "what would The Hulk do?"

Then I rip my clothes and smash stuff up!

Why does my computer always ask me if I'm "sure" about stuff?

Yes, I want to delete my hard drive.

How do you know ancient Egyptians loved books so much?

Because they built their stuff with reads!

What do you call a couch stuffed with chic peas?

A hummus-sectional ba dum tish! I know that was bad. Please blame my boyfriend, he thought of it.

Why are you stuffing all that Easter candy into your mouth?

Because it doesn't taste as good if I stuff it in my ears.

Who the hell buys furniture online?

Why would you buy a chair or couch you can't even sit in What if it has burlap cushions stuffed w/hay

Why has no one invented a device where I can move myself around from place to place while lying in a hammock?

I remember when we used to make stuff in this lazy country!

Where are the posters?

WIFE: THEY JUST DISAPPEARED! In other room *cat is furiously stuffing missing dog posters into paper shredder*

Why did the Ape jump off the building?

He wanted to show the world the stuff he was made of!

What does a taxidermist do for a living?

Oh you know... stuff...

Whatcha thinkin' about?

Taxidermist: Stuff.

When a seeing eye dog poops, who cleans it up?

This is the kind of stuff that makes my head hurt.

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Matter Jokes More Matter Jokes

Why do we use whiteboards instead of blackboards?

Because black boards matter.

What happens when something travels faster than the speed of light?

Does it matter?

Gb Jokes More Gb Jokes

What did GB say to EU?

Peace out, EUROn EUROwn!

How much space is left in EU?

1 GB

Slow Swimmer Jokes More Slow Swimmer Jokes

What's the soft stuff between sharks' teeth?

Slow swimmers

What's the gummy stuff between sharks teeth?

Slow swimmers.

Microphone Jokes More Microphone Jokes

How do small people call each other?

On microphones.

What did the oyster say to the fish who stole it's shell?

Stop being shellfish!" *drops microphone, walks away*

Cut Jokes More Cut Jokes

What kind of engine did you put in it?

Cut to me filling my car with tomato soup* Me: Um... A fast one.

What do you call an avocado cut up into 6.022*1023 times?

Guacamole

Old Stuff Jokes More Old Stuff Jokes

Why is the archaeologist depressed?

Some old stuff just got dug up

Good Way Jokes More Good Way Jokes

What's the best way to lose some pounds?

Leave the EU.

What's the best way to break up with your girlfriend?

On the front page of reddit.

Drug Jokes More Drug Jokes

Why Mark?

I never take drugs. - I say stay away!! Or the drugs will fall from the table!!

Why is Bill Cosby like the The Wizard of Oz?

Cosby Cosby Cosby Cosby cos, because of the wonderful things he drugs