What's the best way to lose some pounds?

Leave the EU.

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Why did the marine biologist jump off a bridge?

He lost his porpoise in life.

What does Pittsburgh have in common with Peter Pan?

The Pirates always lose.

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What does Ronda Rousey's opponents and myself have in common?

We both barely last 14 seconds and leave our partners underwhelmed.

What did the buffalo say before his son left for school?

Bison

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What's the best way to lose some pounds?

Leave the EU.

What did UK say while leaving?

It's not EU, it's me

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Whats the best way to get over a girl?

Get under another one

What's the best way to get a Punjab in India?

Hire a cunning linguist.

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What's a dog's least favorite unit of measurement?

Pounds

What's the difference between a Pound and a Dollar?

A dollar