Use Jokes

What do Greeks use to listen to music?

Spartify

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

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How do seals keep their coats so smooth?

They use a sea lion.

Why can't you hear a Pterodactyl use a bathroom?

The p is silent.

How do you know if a blonde has been using your computer?

When there's white-out all over the screen

Why don't you talk to John anymore, you used to be best friends?

Son: Well, would you be friends with someone who was stupid, took drugs and was drunk all the time? Mom: No, Never! Son: Well neither would he!

What's the use of happiness?

It can't buy you money.

Why do humans mainly use the decimal number system?

It's just what we tend to do

How do bovines do math?

They use a cow-culator! Ba-dum-tsss!

Why can't you hear Michelle Pfeiffer use the restroom?

Because her pee is silent.

How do you count cows?

You use a cow-culator. Or you round them up. Or any other method the commenters want.

What's does an extractor fan sound like?

I used to love tractors

Everyday Deserves a Joke

Everyday Deserves a Joke

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Why is the LSU football team like my car?

They both used to have Les (less) Miles!

What did the dance instructor say to her student when the student wanted to use her bathroom?

Skip to my loo.

Why does the NSA hate winter?

Because they're not used to getting Snowden.

Why don't atheists use exponents?

Because they don't believe in higher powers.

What PC does Adele use?

A Dell.

What do you call a scam artist who uses his vocabulary to commit crimes?

A LexiCon

What do Dothraki use to count their horses?

A Khalculator

Why did the knight stop using the internet?

Because he was sick of chainmail.

What's it called when you apologize using dots and dashes?

Remorse code

What do bad writers use to pick up hot pans?

Plot Holders.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug

$19.99

Why did the old man hate using the new chip cards?

He's trying to watch his sodium intake.

What programming languages would we use if C didn't exist?

Ans: PASAL, OBOL and BASI

Why do prison guards use Proactive all the time?

So they can prevent breakouts.

How did Jesus get to the other side of the street?

He used the Cross Walk.

How do you call the social media that your grandmother uses?

Instagran

How did Pavlov keep his dogs so fluffy?

He used conditioner on them.

Why does Snoop Dogg use an umbrella?

For Drizzle.

What do nuns use for skincare?

Extra virgin oil.

What did the sheep use to shave before his wedding?

Elopping shears

How much do used batteries cost?

Nothing, they are free of charge.

What are the most common 3 words used all around the world?

Made in China.

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl using the restroom?

Because they're extinct

What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of its cage?

Camembert

Which program do Jedi use to open PDF-files?

Adobe Wan Kenobi

When do you use duct tape on a duck?

When he's quacked.

What did the boy say when he had trouble using glue?

I'm stuck.

Why does America use the imperial system?

Because they are behind

Why do console gamers use their in game names in real life?

They haven't got anti-aliasing.

What kind of cheese can be used to build a structure?

Cottage cheese.

What do you call an armoire that is secretly used as a closet?

A closet closet.

What did Obi-wan say to Luke at the Chinese restaurant?

Use the fork, Luke.

What do you call a nun using katana?

Nunja.

Why frogs don't use Google?

They're angry since Froogle was discontinued years ago!

How do you know when to use "fridge" or "refrigerator"?

Open it, if there's a 'd' in it, it's a fridge.

What do you call the camera used for colonoscopys?

A GoProbe.

What do prisoners used to talk to each other in jail?

Cell Phones.

What do you call a Bear who is just learning to use the force?

A PANDAwan learner.

How did Lex Luthor hide his money laundering from Superman?

He used a krypton-currency.

How can you tell if someone is ticklish?

You use test tickles

What do you call an English teacher who used to have anxiety?

Past tense.

What do you get when a superhero has to use the restroom?

A comic relief.

Why didn't the doctor use Twitter to tell the patient that he had a deadly disease?

Because the condition was untweetable.

What type of gun is used by a pig that is good with the ladies?

A smoothbore.

Which program do Jedis use to open PDF files?

Adobe Wan Kenobi.

What mathematical operation is used to calculate the rate at which lumberjacks cut wood?

Logger-rhythms.

What's it called when you're using Tinder on the toilet?

Swiping and wiping.

What bait do you use to catch a space fish?

A worm hole

What's the best fabric Softener to use on a cat?

Pounce...

Why do rabbits prefer IPA's over other kinds of beers?

Because they use extra hops

Why did the blind man use chopsticks?

Because he couldn't see the point in forks.

How often do you use algebra?

Equationally.

What is the main material used in the manufacture of TIE fighters?

TIE tanium

What kind of operating system do horses use?

None. Horses are not known to use operating systems nor computers for that matter.

Why do conspiracy theorists have such long beards?

Because they don't know how to use Occam's razor

What's the difference between a magicians wand and a police baton?

The magician's wand is used for cunning stunts

Why couldn't I call back a Bernie Sanders volunteer?

Because they were using a Berner Phone.

How much is a $1,000,000 Bill worth?

Nothing! You can't use it anywhere!

How do you stop a metal from rusting?

Use some antioxidants

Which area of Zelda: Ocarina of time uses the most resources?

The long long farm.

What size lumber is used to build homes in Dubai?

Dubai fours

What was Rudolph's nickname?

Names. Because they used to laugh and call him Names. Credit to my dad.

How can you tell that the movie Martian is not realistic?

Because Americans use imperial unit system.

What does RoboCop use for fuel?

Petroleum

What kind of cheese would you use to disguise a small horse?

Mascarpone

What do math majors get when they graduate?

A radian. Math majors don't use degrees.

What is the most recycled joke that keeps getting used?

Your mom.

What do zombies use to prepare their turkeys for cooking on the smoker?

Briiiiines...

What's the most common activity people do while wearing safety vests?

Reflect! I use this dadjoke on my pregnant wife every day when she goes out for walks after dark and wears a safety vest.. 'Now honey, don't forget to reflect on all sorts of things, especially car headlights!'

What does the aquarium janitor use to clean?

She uses all-porpoise cleaner!

What's the difference between a $1000 used car and a Rolls-Royce?

One's a grand car and the other's a grand car

Which Norse God consistently uses VPNs?

Ill give you a hint, he remains very low-key.

Why are most Hotwheel cars Ford?

So people can grow up getting used to pushing a Ford.

How do Jedis close their programs on a Mac?

They use Force quit.

Why did the hipster salmon not get to breed?

He didnt use the main stream

Why is it more expensive to use air pumps nowadays?

Inflation

Why did the pet owner get upset with his parrot?

Because he was using too much fowl language

Which hotel does Link use when he goes on vacation?

The HYAT

What are pigskins used for?

Holding the pig together.

What do Mexicans use to cut their pizza?

Little Caesars.

What sort of cheese do you use to get a bear to go on a outing with you?

Camembert

What do you call a country that doesn't use credit cards?

A Czech Republic

What file archiver do Tigers use?

Win-Rawr.

What type of pasta is no longer used in Canada?

Penny...

Why don't Jedi Knights use the Kelvin scale?

Only a Sith deals in absolutes.

What do you use to transport pittas?

A flatbread truck

What did the Ancient Romans use to cut their hair?

Caesars.

What do Mexican midgets use to cut pizza?

Little Caesars

What do comic book collectors use in their hair?

Mint conditioner.

What did the Russian people light their houses with before they started using candles?

Electricity.

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People Jokes More People Jokes

What do you call someone pretending to nice to people just to get upvotes?

Karma chameleon

Why do people take such an instant dislike to Ted Cruz?

It saves so much time.

Change Jokes More Change Jokes

How many forever alone guys does it take to change a light bulb?

One, but he wishes it was two.

How many Dragon Ball Z characters does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one. But it takes five episodes.

Hypocrite Jokes More Hypocrite Jokes

Who does a hypocrite really hate?

A hypocrite!

What do you call an equation with no solution?

A hypocrite.

Porpoise Cleaner Jokes More Porpoise Cleaner Jokes

What do dolphins use to stay clean?

All-porpoise cleaner.

What does the aquarium janitor use to clean?

She uses all-porpoise cleaner!

Communicate Jokes More Communicate Jokes

How do triangles communicate?

Sin language

How do industrial robots communicate with humans?

They use a conveyor belt.

Bathroom Jokes More Bathroom Jokes

Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?

The p is silent.

Which Shampoo They Preferred?

The Top Answers Was: Get The Hell Out Of My Bathroom!

Quack Cocaine Jokes More Quack Cocaine Jokes

What do ducks use to get high?

Quack cocaine

What type of drugs do ducks use?

What type of drugs to ducks use? Quack cocaine.

Jordan Jokes More Jordan Jokes

Why do all travelers use the road to get to Jordans most popular destination?

Because they're all Petra-flied of using the air!

What do you call a German guy wearing basketball shoes?

Herr Jordan