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What do bad writers use to pick up hot pans?

Plot Holders.

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What type of gun is used by a pig that is good with the ladies?

A smoothbore.

Why don't Geordies use scales?

Because they can weigh things by eye man.

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What's the difference between a pick-up artist and an Atari 2600?

An Atari 2600 has more game.

Why did the elephant paint his balls green?

To hide in avocado trees.. How did Tarzan die? Answer: Picking avocados