What's the use of happiness?

It can't buy you money.

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Why don't hypochondriacs... Why don't hypochondriacs use lighters?

They're afraid of catching fire!

Why couldn't the pirate use the bubblegum vending machine?

Because there is no quarter for the wicked.

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What kind of teeth can you buy with a dollar?

Buck teeth!

How many black people does it take to change a light bulb?

Seriously, I gotta figure out how many slaves I need to buy

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What will you be using the money for?

Me: "A divorce lawyer."

What kind of money does Mario use?

8-bitcoins

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How do you say happiness in German?

Auschwitz

Whats the closest a Mexican will ever be to happiness?

The border.