How do you get a 300 pound woman into bed?

Piece of cake

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How do you keep a black kid from jumping on the bed?

Velrow

What do spies say in bed?

Shh I'm undercovers

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What do you call the outer edge of a piece of bread that has been toasted?

Crusty

What the difference between Bernie Sanders and a piece of fruit?

Pieces of fruit actually get picked for something.

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Where's the cake?

Mom of kid: We don't believe in sugar. Me: I promise it's real. I've seen it with my own eyes.

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Attila the Bun.

300 Pound Jokes More 300 Pound Jokes

How do you get a 300 pound woman into bed?

Piece of cake

What's the fastest way to go from 300 pounds to 140?

Convert to kilograms.