Why didn't the piece of paper move out of the way when a car came speeding towards it?

Because it was stationary.

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Come Jokes More Come Jokes

If you're American when you go into the bathroom, and American when you come out, what are you when you're in there?

European

What do you get when you cross a ghoul and a vampire?

A hemogoblin. I came up with this during lecture after a dyslexic moment, thought someone may like it.

Car Jokes More Car Jokes

What do you get if you play a C&W song backwards?

Your wife back, your house back, your car back, and your dog back.

What kind of snake is it good to have on a car?

Windshield vipers.

Way Jokes More Way Jokes

How do you put an elephant in a safeway bag?

I don't know, how?: Take the S away from "safe" and the F out of "way.": But there's no F in way.:

What's the definition of an accountant?

Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.

Piece Jokes More Piece Jokes

What the difference between Bernie Sanders and a piece of fruit?

Pieces of fruit actually get picked for something.

Why couldn't the band director pick a piece in 4/4 time?

It's too common

Paper Jokes More Paper Jokes

How did the mathematician solve his constipation problems?

The same way he solved all other problems: He worked it out with a pencil and paper.

Why couldn't the physicist get his paper published?

It was a work of friction.

Speed Jokes More Speed Jokes

Who is going to win tonight's presidential election?

The Voyager Probe, speeding away from Earth at 38,000 mph.

What are goosebumps used for?

To keep geese from speeding!