Who is going to win tonight's presidential election?

The Voyager Probe, speeding away from Earth at 38,000 mph.

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Earth Jokes More Earth Jokes

What did the asteroid say when his trajectory missed earth?

I guess I didn't plan it very well!

What's the most dishonest place on earth?

The Library

Win Jokes More Win Jokes

Why did the scare crow win the award?

He was out standing in his field. This has Always been my favourite pun.

How much did the Cubs pay the devil to win the World Series?

2016

Speed Jokes More Speed Jokes

What is the Speed of Darkness?

Batman!

Why were you speeding when I stopped you?

Motorist: So I could race home to get my license and registration.

Tonight Jokes More Tonight Jokes

Why was the ink happy?

Because it had its in-de-pen-dance. I'm posting lots of really bad jokes tonight that just appear in my head, if just one person enjoys just one joke is worth it, good evening.

Who's there! Chile! Chile who?

Chile out tonight!