Who is going to win tonight's presidential election?

The Voyager Probe, speeding away from Earth at 38,000 mph.

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Earth Jokes More Earth Jokes

Why did the global warming activist compliment the earth?

Cause it looked hotter than usual!

Why did the Moon break up with Earth?

The Moon said they were slowly drifting apart.

Win Jokes More Win Jokes

Why did the scarecrow win an award?

For being out standing in his field.

Who would win in a fight between John Cena and Chuck Norris?

Depends on who wrote the script.

Speed Jokes More Speed Jokes

Why were you speeding when I stopped you?

Motorist: So I could race home to get my license and registration.

Why didn't the piece of paper move out of the way when a car came speeding towards it?

Because it was stationary.

Tonight Jokes More Tonight Jokes

What time is our movie tonight?

Me: 7:30. It's 2 hours 50 minutes Hub: WHAT! I CANT STAY UP TILL 10:30 "Back off ladies. He's mine"

How did the mystic respond when asked what he's doing tonight?

Your mommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm