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Speed Jokes

Why didn't the piece of paper move out of the way when a car came speeding towards it?

Because it was stationary.

Birthday State of Mind

Birthday State of Mind

Who is going to win tonight's presidential election?

The Voyager Probe, speeding away from Earth at 38,000 mph.

Which rappers had a flow that could simultaneously speed up and slow down at the same time?

MC Escher

What's a junkie's favorite videogame?

Need for Speed.

What is 90-60-90?

Speed while driving past a speed camera.

What happens if you feed Link some Speed?

You get a Hyperlink...

What happens when something travels faster than the speed of light?

Does it matter?

What are goosebumps for?

To slow down speeding geese!

What did the cow say to the police officer, giving a speeding ticket?

Miav.

What does "Maginot Line" get translated to in English?

Speed bump ahead

What would one call a movie about meth addictions?

Need for speed.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug

What are goosebumps used for?

To keep geese from speeding!

How do you know a drummer is at your door?

The knock speeds up.

What is the Speed of Darkness?

Batman!

How amphetamine addiction is called?

Need for Speed.

What's faster, the speed of thought or the speed of light?

Neither, it's diarrhea. Before you could think about it or even turn the lights on, you've already shat yourself.

Why were you speeding when I stopped you?

Motorist: So I could race home to get my license and registration.

What do they say when a woman falls over?

FULL SPEED AHEAD!" Sauce: https://www.youtube.com/watch v=OA8TlOsVw#t=82

Where can you find the speed of light?

At C level

Why was the Muslim arrested for speeding during Ramadan?

Because he was going *to fast*!

Why were you speeding?

Motorist: I wasn't going to miss seeing myself on "America's Most Wanted."

We've Got This Love Thing Down

We've Got This Love Thing Down

How do you know if there is a drummer at your door?

The knocking always speeds up.

Why did you ticket the computer?

Officer: It was speeding along the information highway.

What am I supposed to do with this speeding ticket?

Officer, "Keep it, when you collect four of them, you get a bicycle."

What do you call someone who likes speed?

Racist.

What happened to Frankenstein's monster on the road?

He was stopped for speeding fined $50 and dismantled for six months.

What did the doctor say to the speeding commuter?

Thank you for your patients.

What do you yell when a woman falls of a boat?

Full speed ahead

What did Einstein say when he was pulled over for speeding?

Speed is relative, officer.

Why did the updraft get pulled over?

It was speeding in a high shear zone

What do you call a speeding vegetable?

Michael Schumacher.

Love

Love

What brings you to speed dating?

Me: I just ran out of the fancy shampoo my previous GF bought for me.

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Lord Jokes More Lord Jokes

What's white and sticky?

What's white and sticky and hangs from the clouds. The second coming of the Lord

What am I, The Lord of War?

Peddle your conflict fruit someplace else.

Rapper Jokes More Rapper Jokes

Which joke has the maximum HOT Nuns in it?

You don't know none.. And here to learn one.. So when you are with your friends.. Or walking with your son.. Tell them reddit jokes.. thinking now they would listen... (to you) play it cool, play it slow.. No need to blow.. Take this further, take this far.. till sang by a star. (Improvise it as you like, don't care about the grammar. No rapper does.)

What do you call a rapper who likes honey for breakfast?

Sugar Puff Daddy

Light Jokes More Light Jokes

What lights up a football stadium?

A football match!

Why does light travel faster than sound?

Because some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

' 90 Jokes More ' 90 Jokes

What do you call a bird born in the 90s?

A millennial falcon.

What's a 90's kid's favorite salad?

Quinoa & Kale

Way Jokes More Way Jokes

How do you fit an elephant in a thimble?

You take the "I" out of "thimble" and the "F" out of "way."

What's the difference between a four-year-old and a bag of cocaine?

There's no way Eric Clapton would let a bag of cocaine fall out of a window!

Pull Jokes More Pull Jokes

What did the judge say to the dentist?

Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?

Why aren't there any baby Transformers?

Because Auto-Bots pull out!

Paper Jokes More Paper Jokes

Why Did The Blind Student Get an F On His Paper?

He didn't sight sources.

Why are envelopes and papers white?

Because blackmail is illegal.

Feed Jokes More Feed Jokes

When should you feed milk to a baby elephant?

When it's a baby elephant!

How do you get money out of a piggy bank?

Feed it laxatives.