What brings you to speed dating?

Me: I just ran out of the fancy shampoo my previous GF bought for me.

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Buy Jokes More Buy Jokes

What does having kids bring you that money simply can't buy?

Poverty

Why do people buy smart cars?

Because opposites attract.

Bring Jokes More Bring Jokes

What did the mermaid forget to bring to the maths lesson?

Her algae bra.

Why did everyone bring a quiche to Sean Connery's party?

It was leave your keys at the door.

Speed Jokes More Speed Jokes

What do you call someone who likes speed?

Racist.

How do you know if there is a drummer at your door?

The knocking always speeds up.

Run Jokes More Run Jokes

What is a Mexican's favourite sport?

Cross-Country Running

What did Caesar say when he ran into his friend at a music lesson?

Etude, Brute?

Date Jokes More Date Jokes

What do you call two diamonds in a healthy relationship?

Carbon dating

Why shouldn't you kiss someone on January 1st?

Because its the first date

Gf Jokes More Gf Jokes

What's a GF?

Mom:if you are a good boy,you will get one when you're older. Son:What if i'm not a good boy? Mom:You'll get many.

What happened did someone try to break into your house?

Me: No. My gf said we needed to talk