Date Jokes

What's the best part about dating a twin?

Nobody can judge you on your age difference.

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

$19.99

What excuse did the unemployed cellist give for going Dutch with his date?

He's flat Baroque...

How do you know you are dating a women, not a girl?

A girl has no name.

Why are all the archaeologists single?

Because they cant find dates

What did Miss Piggy say to Kermit at the end of their first date?

Nothing. She had a frog in her throat.

Why are informaticians always confusing the dates of Christmas and Halloween?

Because OCT 31 is the same as DEC 25.

What does Reddit and Dating have in common?

It wastes your time and you walk away with either tears or a slight chuckle.

How can working with cow hide help on a first date?

As if she's going to lay there and be swayed by some new buck.

What do whales do on dates?

Netflix and Krill

What do you call it when two bottles of lotion start dating?

A re-lotion-ship.

What app do nervous ppl order on dates?

Chicken Tinders.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug

$19.99

Why is the dating app called Tinder?

When you left-swipe, all of your matches go up in flames.

How do you ruin a date with Princess Leia?

By saying Alderaan things.

Why was Harry Potter hufflepuffed after his date with Hermione?

She wouldn't let his ravenclaw slytherin her Gryffindor.

Why shouldn't you date a tennis player?

Because love means nothing to them.

Why did the strawberry take the fig to the movies?

Because he couldn't find a date!

Whats the best part about dating a black girl?

You rarely have to meet their dad.

Why shouldn't you kiss someone on January 1st?

Because its the first date

What did the organic chemist use tinder for?

Carbon dating.

What does a Texan do if he breaks up with his girl friend?

He dates his other sister.

Whats the best thing about dating a Cleveland Cavaliers fan?

They never expect a ring

Everyday Deserves a Joke

Everyday Deserves a Joke

$19.99

What is the date in Germany/Brasil today?

7-1. (World Cup)

What do you call a dating service for lumberjacks?

Timbr

What did the computer say to the pirate?

Want to date hot Russians!

Why couldn't the banana get a date?

It didn't have a peel.

How do you get a date on Tinder?

Seriously guys, I've been trying for months so if anyone have any useful tips it would be much appreciated.

Why did Jesus take three days to resurrect after dying on the cross?

Because the date wasn't nailed down.

What's the downside to dating a Mermaid?

Her clam smells like fish!

What did the Baskin-Robbins manager say to the employee that wanted to date a co-worker?

Don't poop where you scoop.

What's the difference between the calendar and you?

A calendar has a date on Valentine's Day.

How do you tell a lonely geologist from a social one?

The lonely one dated igneous rocks!

What's the difference between fishing and dating?

In one you don't want to jerk the hook, but in the other you don't want to hook the jerk.

Why shouldn't you kiss anybody on New Years Day?

Because it's the first date.

What did the mushroom say on his dating profile?

I'm a fungi!

What did the raisin see when she came home early from work?

Her husband on a date.

What's the worst single thing you could do to someone?

Start dating them

Why did the Raisin take a Prune to the Prom?

Because he couldn't find a Date!

What did the donuts do on their date?

They glazed into each other's eyes

What's the best part about dating a homeless chick?

You can drop her off anywhere

How do you reply when someone on /r/askscience asks you on a date?

Deleted

What's the dating scene like at MIT?

Carbon-14 is the most common method, I believe.

Why is a dance like a bowl of cereal?

They are both more enjoyable with dates!

Why should I date you?

Girl - Give me 1 good reason, why I should date you? Guy - I'll give you 69.

What's a calender's favorite fruit?

Dates.

What's India's most popular dating service?

Connect the Dots.

How do you date a ghost?

You 'WOOOO' him!

What's the best part about dating 26 year olds?

There's twenty of them.

What did the mushroom put in his bio for the online dating service?

Im a fungi

Whats the difference between me and a calendar?

A calendar has dates.

What's the best part about dating a homeless girl?

You can drop her off anywhere!!

What is the best thing about dating a homeless girl?

You can drop her off anywhere.

Why can't you take a pig out on a date?

Because she will squeal on you.

What date is it today?

2nd April. Ha!! April fool!

What do you call always having a date for New Year's Eve?

Social Security.

What are you doing?

Are you writing down everything I'm saying! IS THIS GONNA BE A SONG!!" -anyone dating Taylor Swift

How can working with cow hide act in your favor on a first date?

As if she's going to lay there and be swayed by some new buck.

Why did this OkCupid user never go out on a date?

A. "I couldn't imagine a date could be interested in knowing about me more than this website"

What is the difference between a single 40-year-old woman and a single 40-year-old man?

The 40-year-old woman thinks often of having children and the man thinks often about dating them.

How did the raisin have fun at the movies?

It took a date....

What do you call 2 lambs dating?

A relationSHEEP.

Why did the chicken dance with a fig?

It couldn't get a date.

What did the seal say to the walrus after dating him for three months?

I think we should sea otter people.

Why did the investment bankers start dating?

Compound interest

What's the best part of dating 28 year olds?

There's 20 of them!

What do you call a dating app for neckbeards?

Tipper.

What is the most popular dating website in the south?

Ancestry.com

How does a SQL expert get a date?

GetDate() (I really hope this doesn't do well, so cheap, so stupid, just had to write it when I thought of it)

What do you call it when one piece of coal asks another piece of coal out to dinner?

Carbon dating.

When I was young, I wanted to date a doctor for money. How superficial was that?

Now it would be for the prescriptions.

How's your love life?

Well, I went on a date. 45 minutes in I realized it was a turtle in a wig. "I'm sorry man" it's ok. still got laid.

How can people get engaged after dating less than a year?

You haven't seen their fall wardrobe yet and tbh it could be a deal breaker

Where do lightning bolts go on dates?

To cloud 9

What is your date of birth?

Witness: "July 15th." Lawyer: "What year " Witness: "Every year."

Why did the banana go out with the prune?

Because he couldn't find a date.

Why did the Pasta join a dating website?

Because he was cannelloni.

What's the best thing about dating a homeless woman?

When ur done, u can drop her off anywhere.

What is an out of date joke you still remember?

One from the 90's: What do you call a little burro A Burrito. What do you call a little taco A Taquito What do you call a little judge A Judge Ito

How do you impress a baker when you're taking his daughter on a date?

Bring her flours

Why can't Kylo Ren get a date?

Because he has always Ben Solo.

Why do single people take dating advice from other single people?

That's like Stevie Wonder giving Ray Charles driving directions.

What do Iraqi men do that gets them laid on the first date?

They give their women awesome Dinar.

What do I and Y2K have in common?

Neither of us can get a date right

How can you tell when a blonde is dating?

By the buckle print on her forehead.

Why couldn't Princess Leia get any dates?

She was looking for Alderaan men.

What does the date inside of a wedding ring stand for?

Best before...

How does Rhianna look after a date with Chris Brown?

White and gold.

Why didn't the girl go on a date with the artist?

Because he was sketchy.

What did the one electron say to the other when it asked it out on a date?

Get outta here, I'm not attracted to you!

What did the bear say to her date?

I'll be down in a minute I'm bearly dressed

Why is it hard dating an astronaut?

Because they have space issues.

How many trains have you derailed to date?

I replied "It's hard to keep track."

Why can't rock climbing instructors get dates?

Because they rappel men and women.

How many children do I want to have?

Kind of a weird question for a first date, but umm I guess enough to finish the temple

Why did Superman dump Lois for Wonder Woman?

He decided he wanted to date someone in the same League.

Whats a farmers best dating advice?

A tractor

What's the best part about dating twenty two year olds?

There are 20 of them.

What's it called when a super model wants to date an accountant?

Wishful thinking. Obviously

Why couldn't the woman date a German man?

Because she was Klaustrophobic!

Why did the raisin take the prune to the New Year's ball?

Because he couldn't find a date!

Why did the plant use a dating service?

To find its stomate!

You might also enjoy:

Website Jokes More Website Jokes

What do you call the website Chewbacca started that gives out Empire secrets?

Wookieeleaks

What does Brock Lesnar do if a website isn't loading?

He gives it an F5

Subtract Jokes More Subtract Jokes

What do you get when you subtract original blues from modern blues?

Delta blues.

What do you get when you subtract the date and time that Tony Stark built an AI from the current date and time?

The Age Of Ultron.

Doctor Jokes More Doctor Jokes

Why did the broken window not go to the doctor?

He had no more pane

What did the doctor say when he saw two fetuses being too affectionate in public?

Get a womb, you two.

Try Jokes More Try Jokes

Why is Yoda Programming full of exceptions?

Because there is no try.

Why was the marsupial wrongly convicted?

He was tried in a kangaroo court.

Build Jokes More Build Jokes

What's it called when Hobbits build houses for other Hobbits?

Hobbitat for Humanity

How do you stop Iran from building a nuclear reactor?

Send them the Fine Brothers.

Age Jokes More Age Jokes

Whats the age of consent in Thailand?

50$

What did the pirate say when he turned 81?

Nothing, as he didn't exist. The probability of anyone in that demographic reaching their eighties is particularly low, and an active pirate being eighty one years of age is further rendered a statistical impossibility given that a pirate would need to be above a certain threshold in terms of physical ability.

American Jokes More American Jokes

How do you call a person that speaks only one language?

An American

Where is Dracula's American office?

The Vampire State Building.

119 Jokes More 119 Jokes