What's the worst single thing you could do to someone?

Start dating them

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What should you do when your epileptic child starts seizing in the bathtub?

Throw in your laundry!

How did the violinist learn to play violin?

He just started fiddling with it.

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What did the organic chemist use tinder for?

Carbon dating.

Why did the raisin take the prune to the New Year's ball?

Because he couldn't find a date!