Tonight Jokes

Who is going to win tonight's presidential election?

The Voyager Probe, speeding away from Earth at 38,000 mph.

Everyday Deserves a Joke

Why was the ink happy?

Because it had its in-de-pen-dance. I'm posting lots of really bad jokes tonight that just appear in my head, if just one person enjoys just one joke is worth it, good evening.

How many more times will I watch "A Walk To Remember" tonight?

As Mandy Moore times as I want to.

What does a lonely Sean Connery building IKEA products say?

I guess its jusht me, myshelf, and I tonight.

What did one termite say to another in a burning building?

Barbecue tonight!

What did the plate say to the mug?

Food's on me tonight.

What did one candle say to the other candle?

Are you going out tonight

What did the young witch say to her mother?

Can I have the keys to the broom tonight!

Who's there! Chile! Chile who?

Chile out tonight!

Who's there! Cantaloupe! Cantaloupe who?

Cantaloupe with you tonight!

Who's there! Caitlin! Caitlin who?

Caitlin you my trainers tonight I'm wearing them!

Couple's Daily Question Mug

$19.99

Why does vampire Superman want to go out?

Because he doesn't want to be around the crypt tonight. (you can tell i made that up)

How does a yoga instructor turn down an invite?

Namaste home tonight.

Where are you and Mom going tonight?

Me: To meet with your teacher. 7: Oh, you don't need to. I already saw her today.

Why doesn't Superman like the Mummy?

Because the Mummy's always saying, "I'll be in the crypt tonight."

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Drink Jokes More Drink Jokes

Why do you have to pee so quickly after you start drinking beer?

Because it doesn't have to stop off to change color!

What does the man say when he walks into the bar?

Can I please get a drink

Money Jokes More Money Jokes

Why are hippies against capitalism?

Because money doesn't grow on trees.

What grey has a wand huge wings and gives money to elephants?

The tusk fairy!

Enjoy Jokes More Enjoy Jokes

Why did the cheese maker not enjoy the movie?

In a Dutch accent Not much Gouda

Why don't I enjoy certain middle eastern food?

Because it just makes me falafel.

Dinner Jokes More Dinner Jokes

What veggies are the kids having with dinner?

Me: (Smacking the bottom of a ketchup bottle) Fresh Tomatoes...

What do you call an empty town after dinner?

Desserted

World Jokes More World Jokes

What was World of Warcraft called in the beta stage?

World of Wardraft.

Why did the Ape jump off the building?

He wanted to show the world the stuff he was made of!

Sushi Jokes More Sushi Jokes

What type of sushi does Bob Seger like?

That Old Thai Moroccan Roll.

Why did the sushi cross the road?

Sushi could get to the other side.

Remember Jokes More Remember Jokes

What is the recipe for honeymoon salad?

Lettuce alone, without dressing. I remembered this today from a joke book I had when I was a kid. Wasn't sure if it should be here or /r/dadjokes

What's the best way to get a man to remember your anniversary?

Get married on his birthday.

Brain Damage Jokes More Brain Damage Jokes