Tonight Jokes

Who is going to win tonight's presidential election?

The Voyager Probe, speeding away from Earth at 38,000 mph.

Everyday Deserves a Joke

Why was the ink happy?

Because it had its in-de-pen-dance. I'm posting lots of really bad jokes tonight that just appear in my head, if just one person enjoys just one joke is worth it, good evening.

How many more times will I watch "A Walk To Remember" tonight?

As Mandy Moore times as I want to.

What does a lonely Sean Connery building IKEA products say?

I guess its jusht me, myshelf, and I tonight.

What did one termite say to another in a burning building?

Barbecue tonight!

What did the plate say to the mug?

Food's on me tonight.

What did one candle say to the other candle?

Are you going out tonight

What did the young witch say to her mother?

Can I have the keys to the broom tonight!

Who's there! Chile! Chile who?

Chile out tonight!

Who's there! Cantaloupe! Cantaloupe who?

Cantaloupe with you tonight!

Who's there! Caitlin! Caitlin who?

Caitlin you my trainers tonight I'm wearing them!

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

$19.99

Why does vampire Superman want to go out?

Because he doesn't want to be around the crypt tonight. (you can tell i made that up)

How does a yoga instructor turn down an invite?

Namaste home tonight.

Where are you and Mom going tonight?

Me: To meet with your teacher. 7: Oh, you don't need to. I already saw her today.

Why doesn't Superman like the Mummy?

Because the Mummy's always saying, "I'll be in the crypt tonight."

You might also enjoy:

Decide Jokes More Decide Jokes

When Bruce decides to do stand-up, what will his stage-name be?

Penny Bruce

Why did it take the computer so long to decide whether it wanted to buy an Egyptian cotton sheet?

Because it had too many threads.

Appear Jokes More Appear Jokes

What did Jesus want when he appeared on a piece of toast?

Miracle whip.

What's the difference between a magician and a psychologist?

A magician makes rabbits appear in hats, while a psychologist makes habits appear in rats.

Debate Jokes More Debate Jokes

Who Loves Debates?

De fishes

Why did the Scarecrow lose the debate?

All he had was a straw-man argument.

Speed Jokes More Speed Jokes

What did Einstein say when he was pulled over for speeding?

Speed is relative, officer.

How do you know a drummer is at your door?

The knock speeds up.

Pen Jokes More Pen Jokes

Why was the little ink blot so unhappy?

Because his mother was in the pen, and they didn't know how long the sentence would be.

Why do they attach chains to their pens?

If I am trusting you with my money, you should trust me with your pens.

Bad Joke Jokes More Bad Joke Jokes

What did the 3D Vector say after making a bad joke?

I j k

Why was the ink happy?

Because it had its in-de-pen-dance. I'm posting lots of really bad jokes tonight that just appear in my head, if just one person enjoys just one joke is worth it, good evening.

Drink Jokes More Drink Jokes

What happens when you drink food colouring?

You dye a little on the inside.

Where does a Martian go for a drink?

A Mars Bar

De Jokes More De Jokes

Why did the man drowning in the Nile River think he wasn't going to die?

Because he was in de-Nile.

Why did the man drowning in the river think he wasn't going to die?

He was in de-Nile.