Tonight Jokes

Who is going to win tonight's presidential election?

The Voyager Probe, speeding away from Earth at 38,000 mph.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug

What are you watching tonight?

The game where players make enough money to risk getting brain damage, or the debate where the players already have brain damage?

Why was the ink happy?

Because it had its in-de-pen-dance. I'm posting lots of really bad jokes tonight that just appear in my head, if just one person enjoys just one joke is worth it, good evening.

How many more times will I watch "A Walk To Remember" tonight?

As Mandy Moore times as I want to.

Why did you leave me here all alone?

Where o where are you tonight? Why did you leave me here all alone? I searched the world over and thought I found some one You met a zombie and pblblthpth you were gone.

How did the mystic respond when asked what he's doing tonight?

Your mommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

What does a lonely Sean Connery building IKEA products say?

I guess its jusht me, myshelf, and I tonight.

What are your best Sports Team jokes?

With the NHL season getting started tonight. I am wondering what are you best jokes making fun off sports teams. All Sports (Baseball,hockey,football, soccer etc).

What did one termite say to another in a burning building?

Barbecue tonight!

What are your best family friendly Christmas jokes?

I need some for tonight.

What did the plate say to the mug?

Food's on me tonight.

Everyday Deserves a Joke

Everyday Deserves a Joke

What did Dodi Fayed say to his driver?

Want to go out with me and Di tonight?

What did one candle say to the other candle?

Are you going out tonight

What did the young witch say to her mother?

Can I have the keys to the broom tonight!

Why didn't they just call "Ant-Man" Uncle?

Credit to Steve Higgins from The Tonight Show.

Who's there! Chile! Chile who?

Chile out tonight!

What time is our movie tonight?

Me: 7:30. It's 2 hours 50 minutes Hub: WHAT! I CANT STAY UP TILL 10:30 "Back off ladies. He's mine"

Who's there! Cantaloupe! Cantaloupe who?

Cantaloupe with you tonight!

Who's there! Caitlin! Caitlin who?

Caitlin you my trainers tonight I'm wearing them!

Why does vampire Superman want to go out?

Because he doesn't want to be around the crypt tonight. (you can tell i made that up)

How does a yoga instructor turn down an invite?

Namaste home tonight.

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

Where are you and Mom going tonight?

Me: To meet with your teacher. 7: Oh, you don't need to. I already saw her today.

Why doesn't Superman like the Mummy?

Because the Mummy's always saying, "I'll be in the crypt tonight."

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Google Jokes More Google Jokes

Why doesn't Bono like Google?

He still hasn't found what he's looking for.

What kind of fish does Google have in their lobby?

Bettas

Head Jokes More Head Jokes

Why did the schoolteacher who was in love with head of the school take out a loan with the bank?

Because she had an interest in the principal.

How do you greet a three-headed monster?

Hi, hi, hi.

Win Jokes More Win Jokes

What could have been the most stuppidest result of Napolleonic wars if France won?

Tsar Napoleon.

How did the close race between the rabbit and the tortoise end?

It was won by a hare!

Remember Jokes More Remember Jokes

How do you get your stomach pumped?

Swallow a speaker playing "Remember the Name"

What to you get if you cross a parrot with an elephant?

An animal that tells you everything that it remembers!

Want Jokes More Want Jokes

Why did the Fall break off from all the other seasons?

Because it wanted autumnomy

Why did the bees go on strike?

Because they wanted more honey and shorter working flowers!

Joke Jokes More Joke Jokes

Why Is Chemistry Racist?

It's very selective. Edit. My first time making a joke. I know I can't make a joke. This is not directed at anyone.

What do you call a joke that includes a pun about weed?

OC High humor

Drink Jokes More Drink Jokes

What do you call a crocodile when it robs drinks?

Gator-raid.

What do you mean I can't drink alcohol with this medication?

You're not a bartender! You're just a pharmacist.

Brain Damage Jokes More Brain Damage Jokes

What are you watching tonight?

The game where players make enough money to risk getting brain damage, or the debate where the players already have brain damage?

Why does the Philippines ban rectal thermometers?

They cause too much brain damage.