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How can you tell when a vampire is sick?

By his coffin!

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Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

Why didn't Hannibal Lecter have any friends as a kid?

He was told not to play with his food.

How do you tell the difference between a Syrian hospital and an ISIS military base?

I don't know either, Johnny, just fly the drone.

Vampire Jokes More Vampire Jokes

Why didn't the vampire purchase the expensive suit?

He just couldn't ever see himself wearing it.

Where did vampires go to first in America?

New-fang-land.

Coffin Jokes More Coffin Jokes

What do a coffin and a condom have in common?

They're both filled with stiffs one's coming one's going.

Why did Dracula need medicine?

Because he was coffin.