Disease Jokes

What do you call a Spartan king with a disease?

Leonitis

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What disease do police give black people?

Glock coma

What disease causes people to swear at the dinner table?

Gilles de la gourmette

What disease do Spartans get the most?

Leon-itis.

What country are you most likely to get a disease?

GERMany.

What's it called when two strains of a disease are identical?

Plague-arism

How can you tell vampirism is a disease?

On account of the coffin.

What disease do you get from kissing birds?

Chirpes. It's one of those canarial diseases. They say it's untweetable.

What do you call a disease that only effects ducks?

A mallard-y

What's the only disease a potato can get?

Tuber-culosis

What's the form of public transit most rife with filth and disease?

Let's name our sandwich shop after it

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What disease does a mad scientist have?

Boffin spongiform encephalopathy

Why do lettuce, cheese, and turkey have so many diseases?

Because they're inbred

What disease do horses fear most?

Hay Fever!

What disease did the house have?

Shingles.

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What do you mean, 10?

10 what Months Weeks!" Doctor: "Nine."

How much time do I have left, doctor?

Doctor: 10 Guy: 10 what! 10 days, 10 months, 10 years Doctor: 9...8...7...6...5...

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What disease do Spartans get the most?

Leon-itis.

What do you call a Spartan king with a disease?

Leonitis

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What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?

Her IQ goes up!

What's worse: Alzheimer or Parkinson?

Alzheimer. I'd rather drink my beer shaking than forget to to drink it.

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What's the worst they could say? No?

I'm a married man, I hear no at least two times a week.

Why do married men love golf so much?

Because it's not the same three holes over and over again.

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What do you get when you kiss a canary?

Chirpes. It can't be tweeted because it's a canarial disease.

What disease do you get from kissing birds?

Chirpes. It's one of those canarial diseases. They say it's untweetable.

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What does that tell you?

4-year-old: I won.

How do you know when a vegan gets to the party?

Don't worry, they'll tell you.