On the left side there's nothing right and on the right side there's nothing left...
I put the wrong socks on today.
Google Fiber Note: Randomly came up with this joke today
Post.
Define intervention." Came up with this today at work.
Germany/Brazil/2016
Health insurance
7-1. (World Cup)
Not today.
His ears! Yes, this is a real joke I got from a Laffy Taffy wrapper today, not 30 years ago. I did not laugh.
My supply was short.
Because he bumped his head on the low-way! I guess we're doing 4 year old's jokes today
My you're looking "acute" today.
Micro-Worgenisms! (From my Bizzard support ticket response today.)
Clawing at the inside of her coffin.
Scream and scratch at the top of his coffin.
Cause it couldn't get on the right track. I made that joke when I was little and remembered it today, might as well post it.
Peace and carrots... Thought this up at work today. I'm sure it's been done before but it made me chuckle...
A Brazillion...
It's After Earth Day.
Cause it was stuck to the chicken. I heard that on the radio today. I LOLed.
The posters.
Only one of them is organized. Couldn't help but post this. Went to see a former mafia boss today, and that joke was told leading up to him speaking.
Because he told everyone to march fourth.
Who wants to know?
BY THE SHOWER OF GREYSKULL!!! I wrote this joke today. Feel free to steal it.
Cuz if it were lying down it wouldnt make any sense. (first post to reddit, made up this joke today.. be kind)
Because opposites attract. (Told to me by 2 students today, loved it!)
2nd April. Ha!! April fool!
I accidentally put on the wrong sock today....
Harambe: May I get a martini Me: Just ice for Harambe. Harambe: Just ice Me: Justice for Harambe.
A May bee.
The posters
Checks fly* *no pants* Aaaah.
Not enough I have to go back tomorrow!
Little Banana: Because I didn't peel well.
It was Friday only a few hours ago...
Because he didn't have the balls!
Book today but couldn't find one anywhere. Well played, Wally. Well played.
He was undercover *!*
OC "They flip burgers for profit!" Just thought of this at a baseball game today, kinda quirky and simple!
The parrot says, "Africa." (I don't know if you know this one, but I just heard it today)
Today sure was ruff" Read that today on my university's art wall and made me smile a bit, thought i'd share it
Girl2: I was complimented on my driving today. Someone left a note on my windshield that said "Parking Fine"
Twenty years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Today we have no cash, no hope and no jobs.
Me: Make me look attractive. Barber: CAROL! CANCEL ALL MY APPOINTMENTS!
"Today children we will learn our ABC's"
They both ain't got the same Seoul.
Alphabet Soup.
Cuz it's 10-4 GOOD BUDDY!!!
Bean working very hard today!
Me: To meet with your teacher. 7: Oh, you don't need to. I already saw her today.
Me: Shower. W: ...what else M: Make a new iTunes playlist. W: Wow. M: Might not have time for a shower.
BART: I don't know where my hair starts
A slipper. (Made this up today, but almost definitely will have been made up before by someone else)
It has so many problems! -Sorry doing a whole bunch of math today and i thought of this.
Cos I'm quitting today.
Current.
Lettuce alone, without dressing. I remembered this today from a joke book I had when I was a kid. Wasn't sure if it should be here or /r/dadjokes
Me: It'll be higher quality and less tense for everyone if we wait Boss: Today!
They never want to log off.
A fortune!
Me: Oh, that was Denise. Dad: Oh, da' niece I thought it was da' nephew. Buh dum tsssssssss
F1 driver doesn't think he's a cab driver
My name is Rabbit, not ribbit!!(https://www.youtube.com/watch v=CYkDxsaHlkg)
From a distance they look like hares!
A tail pail!
Don't do it, man, you'll never hear the end of it!
I don't know, I just click "submit"
I dunno, i just click submit
I'm often asked by people: "Why are your eyes covered in ketchup " So I tell them it's because Heinz sight is 20/20.
Ask them if they play league.
Mister bus
She was cross eyed.
Ability to work under pressure.
Because of the culture!
