How is today Monday?

It was Friday only a few hours ago...

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Today Jokes More Today Jokes

What are you gonna do today?

Me: Shower. W: ...what else M: Make a new iTunes playlist. W: Wow. M: Might not have time for a shower.

What do we say to the god of procrastination?

Not today.

Friday Jokes More Friday Jokes

Why do they call the day after Thanksgiving "Black Friday"?

Because everything is a steal.

Where were you on Friday?

Me: It was a holiday. Boss: HALLOWEEN IS NOT A PAID HOLIDAY! Me: It is if you go as Christmas. Boss:...

Monday Jokes More Monday Jokes

What do hamburger workers say on Monday morning?

Well it's back to the old grind!

Why are you all so excited it's Friday?

Monday will be here in 5 minutes.

Hour Ago Jokes More Hour Ago Jokes

Why did my wife cross the road?

To go back into the first clothes shop we went into two hours ago.

What do we want!?

No daylight savings!" "When do we want it! " "An hour ago!!!"