Monday Jokes

What do you call a person who's happy on a Monday?

Unemployed.

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What is the only thing on earth that goes "ha ha" on a Monday?

A bit late, but.... A blonde who heard a joke on Friday.

What fundamental force compels physicists to go to work on Mondays?

The week force.

What's the difference between a public park and a public toilet?

I need to know before my court date on Monday.

How do you make a blonde laugh on a Wednesday?

Tell her a joke on a Monday!

How is today Monday?

It was Friday only a few hours ago...

Why do blondes work seven days a week?

So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.

What's the best thing about Portugal?

You never have to carry your bags because of all the porter-geese. Thankyou, im here till Monday!

Why do physicists have such a hard time figuring out why their experiments fail Monday through Thursday?

Causal fridays.

Why did the electrician close early on Mondays?

Because business was very light.

What would be a terrible name for a new beer?

Q: What would be a terrible name for a new beer A: "Mondays"...because no one would EVER want to buy a case of the Mondays...

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Why can't you lift weights on Monday?

It's a week day.

What do hamburger workers say on Monday morning?

Well it's back to the old grind!

What do you call a person who enjoy mondays?

Unemployed

Why are you all so excited it's Friday?

Monday will be here in 5 minutes.

Why does Garfield hate Mondays?

He doesn't have a job.

Why should you keep a blonde on the job 7 days a week?

So you don't have to retrain them every Monday.

What are your plans for Easter?

Husband: Same as Jesus.. Wife: What do you mean Husband:I will disappear on Friday and reappear on Monday!!

How many consultants does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

I'm not sure but I'll have an answer for you next Monday.

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Carry Jokes More Carry Jokes

Why do the English always carry umbrellas?

Because umbrellas can't walk

Why do you need to carry radioactive materials in sealed, lead containers?

To stop it from falling out.

Figure Jokes More Figure Jokes

Why couldn't The Doctor play baseball?

They couldn't figure out Who was on first (Sorry, if this has been submitted before, im new here)

Why did the blond quit his restroom attendant job?

He couldn't figure out how to refill the hand dryer!

Public Toilet Jokes More Public Toilet Jokes

What's the difference between a public park and a public toilet?

I need to know before my court date on Monday.

Good Thing Jokes More Good Thing Jokes

What's the best thing about a swimming pool bar?

There's never a line for the bathroom.

What's the best thing about screwing twenty one year olds?

There are twenty of them.

Hard Time Jokes More Hard Time Jokes

Why does Kylo Ren have a hard time making friends?

Because for most of his life, he's Ben Solo.

Why do mathematicians have a hard time moving on in relationships?

Because they're always trying to find the x. They don't know y, either.

Irish Jokes More Irish Jokes

What do you call an Irish sniper?

Amon

What's the difference between St. Patrick's Day and Martin Luther King Day?

Everyone pretends to be Irish on St. Paddy's Day.

New Beer Jokes More New Beer Jokes

What about that new beer... by Peter Cotton Ale?

It's made with more hops!

What would be a terrible name for a new beer?

Q: What would be a terrible name for a new beer A: "Mondays"...because no one would EVER want to buy a case of the Mondays...

Want Jokes More Want Jokes

What do you call a 20 year old spaceship that whines all the time and never wants to run properly?

The Millenial Falcon.

Why would anybody ever want to visit New Brunswick?

I hear their bowling alleys are pretty nice.