Irish Jokes

Because if there were one more, it'd be two forty. (Too farty) This works much better when spoken out loud. The joke how Irish people pronounce "forty."

Why did the Irish call their currency the "Punt"?

Because it rhymes with Bank Manager

What's the difference between an Irish wake and an Irish wedding?

One less drunk.

What's Irish and stays on your back porch all year?

Patty O'Furniture

What's green, white, and orange and only appears once a year?

Irish pride

What's Irish and sits on a deck?

Patty O'Furniture

What do you call an Irish snake in Lord of the Rings?

Legolas

How many beans are in Irish bean soup?

Two-thirty-nine. One more and it'd be too farty.

What do you call 3 Irish tree surgeons?

Tree fellas

What is Irish and sits on the porch?

Patty O'Furniture

What do you call an Irish J-Pop singer?

Rady O'Gaga

What's Irish and sits by the pool?

Paddy O'Furniture

What is the name of an Irish girl who hangs out on your lawn?

Patti O'Furniture

Whats Irish and stays out all night?

Patty O'Furniture

What do you call a seven course Irish meal?

A 6-pack and a potato.

How many Irish folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb and one to sing about how grand the old bulb was.

What's the difference between MLK day and St Patrick's day?

Nobody minds being Irish for one day!!!!

What is Irish and stays on your patio, even when it rains?

Patty O'Furniture.

What's the difference between St. Patrick's Day and Martin Luther King Day?

Everyone pretends to be Irish on St. Paddy's Day.

Why does d' perfect Irish stew require exactly two hundred n' terty nine beans?

Because if you added one more it'd be two farty.

What is the difference between Saint Patrick's Day and Martin Luther King Day?

On Saint Patrick's Day everybody wants to be Irish.

What is an Irish 7 course meal?

A six pack and a potato

What do you call people who pretend to be Irish on St. Patrick's Day?

Counterfitz

What's an Irish Seven Course Dinner?

A boiled potato and a six-pack of Guinness Stout.

What do the Irish do after winning the World Cup?

They proceed to Chapter 9: The Dark Mark

What kind of book does an Irish cultist read?

The Leprenomichaun.

Why didn't the Irishman add another bean?

He stopped at 239 because if he added another one it would be 'too farty'. It would've been funnier if I could do an Irish accent.

Why does Irish bean soup have exactly 239 beans in it?

Irish accent) Because one more and it would be too farty.

Why do new Irish mothers keep dying?

Because they lack taters

What do the Irish say when they cheers their beer?

Good Mornin'!

What do you call an Irish milkshake?

Mashed potatoes...

What did the Irish farmer say to his cow when it climbed onto the roof of his barn?

Get off.

Where does an Irish person go on a vacation?

A new bar

How can you identify an Irish pirate?

He's the one with patches over both eyes.

What do the Irish hate more than potatoes?

No potatoes.

What do you call Irish sunscreen?

A pub.

What's Irish and sits out all night?

Patio furniture.

What's the difference between MLK day and St. Patty's day?

On St Patty's day everyone wants to be Irish.

What's Irish and stays out all year?

Patty O'furniture.

What if Lady Gaga was half Irish, half Japanese?

Rady O'Gaga

What's Irish and stays out on your deck?

Paddy O'furniture

What would Apple laptops be called if Steve Jobs had been Irish?

McBook Eyre

Where does an Irish family go on vacation?

A different bar.

How do you call it when an Irish person goes out for drinks?

A bargain

Why is Irish bean soup made with 239 beans?

Because if you add even one more it gets "2 farty".

What does an Irish terrorist attack and a gambling addiction have in common?

Dublin down

Why do the Irish only put 239 beans in their soup?

Because one more bean would be too farty.

What do you call an Irish armchair?

Patty O'Furniture

What do Irish feminists call men?

O'Pressors

What do you call three Irish lumberjacks?

Tree fellers Edit: Wooo gold!

How many beans do you put in Irish chili?

Two hundred and thirty-nine. Why Because one more would be two-farty.

When does an Irish potato change nationality?

When it's French fried.

Why is an Irish funeral cheaper than an Irish wedding?

There's one less drunk.

What do you call it when a man has a beer in each hand?

Irish handcuffs.

Why did the Irish man never get caught drink driving?

Because he never left the pub.

Why did the Irish Football manager flood the pitch?

So he could bring his 'sub' on

What's Irish and sits outside in the summertime?

Paddy O'Furniture!

Why are there only 239 beans in Irish stew?

Because one more, and it'd be too farty.

What do you call an Irish girl sitting on a hot griddle holding a piece of cheese?

A paddy melt!!

What do you call the Irish guy who always brings flan to the potluck?

Shaun O'flanagan

Why do the Irish serve up their chili with 139 beans?

Because one more would be one-farty bowl of chili!

Why do the Irish always answer questions with another question?

He said, "do we now "

How do I make a St. Patrick's Day mocha?

He says Irish coffee is the only thing keeping this family together

What's white and Irish and sits in your backyard all year?

Paddy O'Furniture

Who's Irish and sleeps on your porch?

Paddy O'Furniture!

How did the drunk Irish man lose 30$?

He bet 10$ on the soccer game and 20$ on the replay.

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Play Jokes More Play Jokes

What do monsters play when they are in the bus?

Squash.

Why does an actor enjoy his work so much?

Because it's all play.

Beer Jokes More Beer Jokes

Why don't rabbits like beer?

Because it messes with their hops

How do Jamaicans pronounce bacon?

The same way British people pronounce beer can.

Fry Jokes More Fry Jokes

How long do you need to know someone before sharing fries?

Because I'm about to introduce myself to the girl at the end of the bar.

What day do fries hate the most?

Friday

Irish Funeral Jokes More Irish Funeral Jokes

Whats the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?

On less person is drunk

Why is an Irish funeral cheaper than an Irish wedding?

There's one less drunk.

Drunk Jokes More Drunk Jokes

What are you gonna be for Halloween?

Me: Drunk!

How many drunks does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one. He holds the bulb and the room spins.

Irishman Jokes More Irishman Jokes

What do you get when you cross a Mexican cholo and an ill tempered Irishman?

A surprisingly stable person according to my Homie O'Statis.

Why did the Irishman only put 239 beans in his bean soup?

Because one more would be too farty

Joke Jokes More Joke Jokes

What's the difference between one polar bear and 10 polar bears?

9 polar bears (joke on a mug at work. lame, ik)

What is the best anti-joke you know?

Well a joke that isn't funny, but still is because it isn't. If you know what I mean. These are kind of much easier to remember.

Irish Bean Soup Jokes More Irish Bean Soup Jokes

Why is Irish bean soup made with 239 beans?

Because if you add even one more it gets "2 farty".

Why are there exactly two hundred and thirty nine beans in an Irish Bean Soup?

Because if there were one more, it'd be two forty. (Too farty) This works much better when spoken out loud. The joke how Irish people pronounce "forty."