Drunk Jokes

What do you call a drunk who happens upon the scene of a crime?

An innocent bystumbler

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What do you call a dissection performed by drunks?

An Autipsy.

What's the difference between a drunk and a stoner?

A drunk drives right through a stop sign, a stoner waits for it to turn green.

Which has less drunks: an Irish wedding or an Irish funeral?

An Irish funeral has one less drunk.

How many drunks does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one. He holds the bulb and the room spins.

What are you gonna be for Halloween?

Me: Drunk!

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Ball Jokes More Ball Jokes

How do you make a pool table laugh?

Jiggle its balls

What did the elephant say?

What did the elephant say when it was pulled out of a pit by the Balls? Thank you Mr. And Mrs. Ball!

Bar Jokes More Bar Jokes

Why don't anti-vaxxers hang out in bars?

They're afraid of the shots.

Why did the director get kicked out of the bar?

He was making a scene!

Irish Jokes More Irish Jokes

What instrument does the Irish chemist play?

The boron.

What is an Irish 7 course meal?

A six pack and a potato

Turn Jokes More Turn Jokes

What do you get if you turn an evil laugh backwards?

A laughing cow..

Why shouldn't you let the scientists have an antelope?

They'll turn it into a bombardeer

Stoner Jokes More Stoner Jokes

What do you call a boy-band composed of stoners?

No Direction.

Why do elephants and stoners get along so well?

Uh.. I don't remember..

Lipstick Jokes More Lipstick Jokes

Why does Mary Kay walk funny?

Her lipstick

Why do they call it "Lipstick?

When a woman can easily move her lips after she applies it

State Jokes More State Jokes

What do The Walking Dead and the state of Wisconsin have in common?

They both have a hated governor.

What happens when the president of the United States has to use the bathroom?

The state of alert in the White House rises to Defecate 2.