What do you call a dissection performed by drunks?

An Autipsy.

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Why are you wearing such a large shirt?

Second Clown: I always perform in the big top.

Who says Jesus couldn't perform miracles?

He managed to find mates named Matthew, Mark, Luke and John hanging around in the Middle East.

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What are you gonna be for Halloween?

Drunk!

What's the difference between a drunk and a stoner?

A drunk drives right through a stop sign, a stoner waits for it to turn green.